Any advice on how to teach my wife empathy since her parents never taught her it and she didn't learn it on her own while dealing with ppl?

It's not just my wife I need to teach it to, it's my son and my adopted children too. The only one who learned it is the child that I contributed the most to raising (my youngest daughter and I did it because I was a stay at home dad for a while).

The only 4 have "winner's mentality" which is great for getting things done YOU want done, but it is terrible for getting things done as a group or that others want done and you are responsible to get it completed. Basically, winner's mentality is a narcissist mentality and I want to teach my wife and 3 of my kids (16, 17, and 18) how to not focus on yourself so much and share focus with other people and their needs once and a while. Any advice?

I need this fixed because as it stands right now the house is trashed and no one feels any personal responsibility to take care of it because it's "not their mess" which is a lie in most of the case because these people are too in their heads to know what they did and what they didn't do. Also, all 4 of these people have failed relationships or none at all and I need them to understand their contributions to the dysfunction so they can get better.


12 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    You probably cast this die when you chose to marry someone bereft of empathy. With little kids you can involve them in charity work and let them see how the less fortunate live. But once you're an adult or in the near adult years of the late teens your personality is pretty much set in stone. There are however some games and such that involve teamwork you might use to see if you can get them to cooperate more with each other. Even if they don't ever feel actual empathy they might learn that in some tasks working together is more practical.

  • 2 weeks ago're crazy. you can't teach a grown woman empathy

  • 2 weeks ago

    It seems to me that you are undertaking a challenge that even professionals would find difficult. If your wife and kids are willing, licensed therapy is the best means to address your issue.   If not, may need to consider whether its worthwhile to remain married. Good wishes,

  • 2 weeks ago

    Maybe with a professionals help. I think you have a 'I know what your problem is and I am superior than you' complex by the way.

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    Apart from the value of empathy, the best way to teach it is by example, but, past a certain age (that varies by individual), that may not work.

  • 2 weeks ago

    You can't always teach it. It's an inborn instinct that some people have and

    some people don't. You can teach them why it's socially inappropriate to

    lack empathy, and that it's a bad reflection on them, but you can't make

    them "feel" it in their heart.

    This will result in them being able to fit in better by acting empathetic at

    the right moment, but it doesn't mean they will actually be able to feel it.

  • d j
    Lv 5
    2 weeks ago

    Empathy can't be taught but it can be demonstrated.

    You should behave with others as you want them to behave with yourself.

    • UV2 weeks agoReport

      But the golden rule doesn't always work. Some people just take advantage of others kindness and never reciprocate

  • Linda
    Lv 6
    2 weeks ago

    How does empathy have anything to do with the house being trashed? If the house is a mess everyone is to blame, including you. Talk to everyone as a whole and come up with a solution how to get the place clean again and draw up a weekly chart with chores for all. Get going.

    • UV2 weeks agoReport

      You clearly don't understand how empathy works

  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    What you need to teach is cooperation and responsibility. Empathy is inherent to people already, some more than others.

    In your home, divvy up chores. Everyone needs to learn how to keep a household.  It won’t keep itself.

    With cooperation you’ll get things done, and it isn’t about “winners mentality.” It’s about getting things done that need to be done. 

    So set the rules and enforce them.

    Just be fair about it. 

  • 2 weeks ago

    empathy is not taught or learned. someone either has it or they don't. if they don't all they can do is pretend. you cant make someone feel what they do not feel

    • UV2 weeks agoReport

      Not if I can teach them empathy and to care about other people's feelings and personal space

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