Please help me?
I have all the classic symptoms of a child with an alcoholic parent. Including being incredibly responsible/sensible and also desperate to fix others with problems. I'm in a long term relationship with an alcoholic who is verbally abusive and gets so angry at me over such small things. This has been an ongoing issue for years and I genuinely can't take it anymore.
Sadly I am so unbelievably afraid to be alone and have lost all my friends. I suffered badly with depression and told them. Sadly them knowing I wanted to end things seemed to go down badly with them so they stopped talking to me. So long story short I have no friends for support.
Tonight my boyfriend was drinking again and again, became verbally abusive. I KNOW I have to walk away but I just can't. I'm 26. I know I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me but I'm so scared.
Begging someone to give me some advice, guidance, support, anything.
- 2 weeks ago
- Judy and CharlieLv 73 weeks ago
Unless you are ready and willing to change and take total charge of your own life, please skip this answer.
Go online to find your nearest chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous and go to a meeting. Tell them your story and get prepared to earn a lot of new friends who understand what you are going through and who will help you. Look in your phone book for their number.
Also, you may want to go to your local library and get the book entitled: "ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS" Read it and learn how to change.
TIP: Do something about your clinical depression and suicidal ideation.
People will desert you because they don't know what to do to help you and your need to lean on them for support becomes crushing and overwhelming to them.
- martinLv 73 weeks ago
You are like a caretaker or a nurse. You need your breaks or you won't survive, especially when the patient is abusive. You must take frequent vacations, if you are to continue.
- ennLv 63 weeks ago
Okay, so first, you have to deal with you being YOU. You need to know first of all that it is okay for YOU to BE you! This has a lot to do with "Finding yourself", but, really, this is true. You need to find yourself and establish yourself first. The best advice I ever got and ever give out is straight from the pre-flight demonstration safety guidelines on an airplane --- first take care of yourself and your own oxygen, then turn to help another. And, plain and simple, this is where YOU need to start! You are so busy in "survival mode", clinging to what is familiar, unable to function because you are operating on so little - so little money, so little experience, so little confidence, so little security, and so little positive feedback! So, for this, I recommend a GREAT program called "Celebrate Recovery". This is a program designed for people just like YOU - people who are recovering from trauma, bad relationships, bad childhood, abuse, and personal substance abuse too. It is similar to a 12-step program, but it is a program designed to identify emotional triggers and reactions, identify fears and behaviors based on fears, and also to provide some guidelines for daily day-to-day choices and decisions, especially helping you recognize decisions based on emotions rather than decisions based on rational thought processes. It is a really, really good program and I strongly suggest you look into a program offered in your own neighborhood, because then you can start to identify where and how your parents behaved based on emotional actions and how you were trained to react to their emotional behaviors instead of being taught how to survive in this world. It is also a GREAT program for meeting people who are in similar circumstances, as well as meeting people who are working to be supportive of your progress instead of rejecting you for being perceived as "damaged". This program will also help you see and identify relationship issues with friends and how you can go back and mend some broken bridges in a positive way. I can't say enough about how well this program is designed to help you! Go ahead and look it up and find a group near you, and begin the process for positive change. Good luck! www.celebraterecovery.com
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- dewcoonsLv 73 weeks ago
So having had your life ruined by an alcoholic parent, why are you crazy enough to elect to do that a second time to yourself - and then to any children you might have?
Pack up and get out NOW!!
You will be surprised how many of your friends actually will support your decision. And if they don't you do not need them for friends.
Being alone is far better then being abused, depressed, and stuck to an alcoholic. And then passing all that on to another generation.
- JayLv 63 weeks ago
Go see a therapist. And learn how to ask an actual question. Don't post on this Q&A site again unless you have one.