Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 weeks ago

Lack of intimacy ?

My gf has been sexually abused several times in the past. It has affected our sex life. We have only done it twice in 5 months of dating. Is it wrong to be frustrated?

6 Answers

  • Bob
    Lv 4
    2 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not wrong to feel frustrated but it is wrong to let the victim of sexual abuse know that her partner is frustrated that she's not able or willing to have sex more often.

    I think that it's a question of whether your feelings for this girl are strong enough that you are able to support her through this, however long it takes.

    If you are, then while your frustration is certainly understandable, you shouldn't allow your frustration to put further pressure on her. You have to give her the time to be ready again. Depending on the abuse itself, there's a chance that she'll never be ready to have a 'normal' sexual relationship and this is something you have to consider.

    By dating a girl with a known history of sexual abuse, you have taken on a heavy responsibility and you must decide whether you're willing to bear that responsibility or whether it's too much for you, in which case you should not seek to develop this relationship further.

    Better for her to have a caring friend than a demanding boyfriend.

  • rick
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    Unless you want to spend your life as a psychotherapist, frustrated sexually, with a less than satisfactory sex life, I'd suggest you move on. She's got too much baggage.

  • R L
    Lv 4
    2 weeks ago

    She is damaged goods emotionally and physically...if you really love her you will need to emotionally support her to continue counseling and continue to work together to overcome her fears...if you cant handle it then let her go and find someone who will be more sexual for you.

  • 2 weeks ago

    Clearly you are not making her feel comfortable. instead of being a horny dog you have to talk to her like a counsellor, just listen to her crap and ask questions, after a while she will be in the mood

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  • 2 weeks ago

    No. Understandable to be frustrated if you're a red-blooded chap. But you are aware of your girlfriend's unhappy past and you have to make allowances for her lack of interest in sex. She's frightened and rightly so. Encourage her to have counselling for the abuse she's suffered. She's got a form of PTSD. It may take quite a while but she needs to get it sorted out while she's young or it will blight her life.....and yours too if you stay together.

  • 2 weeks ago

    To be abused sexually once is hard enough to deal with, twice, equally so. To be abused "several times" is something that takes a LOT of therapy and time to overcome.

    It isnt worng to be frustrated, its a valid emotion, it is however incredibly unreasonable to expect her to move at your pace on this.

    If sex is more important to you, than her feelings, by all means move on.

    People ARE sexual beings, it IS important.

    She needs time and if you are questioning it after only 5 months? It doesnt sound as though you are the guy for her. 

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