Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 weeks ago

My cousin didn’t send me a “thank you” card for my wedding gift to her.  Does she dislike me?

I gave her a card with a check for $100 enclosed.  My mother (whose jobless boyfriend accompanied her to the wedding) gave her $100 as well.  Not only did my cousin send her a thank you card, but she addressed the card to my mother and her boyfriend.  Even though my cousin is obviously unaware that he doesn’t have a job (as my mom is embarrassed that she’s the breadwinner), I was mad that he received credit on that gift when he stays at home while my mother works.  Meanwhile, I have a job and didn’t get a thank you for the $100.  Does my cousin secretly loathe me for some reason?  I mean, do people typically do not send thank you cards to people [they don’t like] who sent them gifts for their wedding, birthday, baby shower, etc.?  Please note the following:

1.  I am the only child, and my mother has always been well-off with her career, thus me having a lot of things.  So perhaps my cousin assumed I pretended to give her $100, and that my mother gave me the $100 to give for the wedding.  So even though she knows I have a job, maybe she thought my mom still spoils me, and that the gift wasn’t really mine.

2.  My, mom, her boyfriend and I came to the wedding together.  So perhaps my cousin thought it was tacky for me to bring my own gift.  FYI - I live on my own, not with my mother.  So isn’t bringing my own gift the right thing to do, or does it not matter?  Or should wedding attendants share a gift if they came together?  

9 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    One wonders how long ago this wedding was because according to traditional etiquette the couple has a full year to get all the thank you cards out. Perhaps you're just jumping the gun on being upset.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    i wouldnt send her money like that again

  • 2 weeks ago

    Interestingly, sometimes cards and other things get lost in the mail.

    And if your mother signed her card from her and her husband, then i guess your cousin would thank them both.

    You're having quite a meltdown over something foolish. What are you going to do when you have a REAL PROBLEM?

  • 2 weeks ago

    You make way too many assumptions.

    Not everyone writes thank you cards in weddings. And not everyone writes them to every gifter.

    In theory the proper etiquette would be that your cousin wrote a letter to everyone that sent a gift, but that's not always possible. Maybe she wrote it. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she wrote it and got lost in the mail. Maybe she wrote it but forgot to send it. Maybe she thought about writing it but since you two aren't close thought you wouldn't care about receiving one.

    It's just a damn card. Let it go.

    The purpose of giving is that, giving, without no expectations. If you expect that everyone goes out of their way after you gift them something, then save yourself the disappointment and don't give anything.

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  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    Paranoid much?  It's called a "mistake" or "oversight."  Is it really that big of a deal?

  • 2 weeks ago

    I think that there is a misunderstanding,

  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    "I was mad that he received credit on that gift when he stays at home while my mother works."    Your meddlesome and petty statement sure reveals a lot about you. 

    A gift is something someone gives without any expectation of receiving something in return.   The fact that you are obsessed with who gets credit for a gift that you didn't give and that is none of your business is obnoxious.

    You have no clue if you were sent a thank-you card or not.   All you know is that you didn't receive one.

    I'll bet people don't like you very much.  That being said, most people send thank-you cards to everyone whether they like them or not.   Occasionally mistakes are made or things get lost.   But if you want to see the worst in people and walk around like a victim, go for it. 

  • Cara
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    Of course you did the right thing by giving her a generous present. Nothing tacky about it. Perhaps she simply hasn't finished sending out her thanks. Has the money disappeared from your account? If not, you could gently remind her to cash the cheque. Could you perhaps ask her mother or father whether she got the cheque? I did that once, when I'd ordered something from a store to be sent to the bride, and months later I wondered whether it had ever reached her; I immediately got an apologetic letter of thanks back.

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    As an adult with a separate invitation, you give your own gift. You are being very petty about the thank you your mother received. They were both guests and the card was probably signed as a gift from both of them. I doubt your cousin thought twice about where the funds came from. You're looking for meaning where there is none. Did you check to see if your check was cashed? If it was, you should have received a thank you note. If it wasn't, the card and/or the check may have been lost.

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