Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

How can I deal politely with a narcissistic mother-in-law whose family caters to her every insecurity?

Here’s a little background history: my MIL was never happy that her almost 40 year old son started dating me since she said she was used to being the only one in his life. She apologized, so I forgave her after dealing with her passive aggressive behavior for 8 months straight. I never once talked back to her even though she irrationally yelled at me at one point. Post wedding, she found other ways to infect our marriage, by complaining about my mom to my husband (for basically breathing the wrong way(?) and for waving at her at one point instead of giving her a hug because my mom wasn’t feeling well and had to leave in a hurry). My husband would yell at me to make things right with his mom, I would stupidly call her and she would tell me I was bothering her and hang up. This insanity lasted the first two years of our marriage. I’ve recently finally put up boundaries and she’s found other avenues to try getting to me. She follows me on Instagram and shows my husband everything I post (he doesn’t have an account), asks him why I posted it and thinks every quote I post is about her or her family. I’ve been tempted to post something off the wall just to make her go nuts. I have to be around her this thanksgiving and am not looking forward to it. I try keeping my distance as often as possible.

Update:

For those who have asked why I care what she does, I don’t. The only reason why I’m left with no choice but to be bothered by it is because unfortunately my husband puts her needs first and yells at me for “offending”her. Mind you, in order for a person to offend her, all they have to do is not act like she’s the best thing since sliced bread, not partake in her gossip or be confident around her enough to not accept her rude behavior.

Update 2:

Believe me, I’ve thought of blocking her from Instagram, but doing so will only cause more drama within the family and I really don’t want to go there. I’m so preoccupied with school and the kids I don’t need another dose of in-law drama.

6 Answers

Relevance
  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You chose to marry into this so now if you want to stay in this marriage you're going to have to adapt. Start by not using social media at all. The less access she has to your life, the better. If you can't count on your husband to have your back you're just going to have to your footprint in this woman's life as small as humanly possible.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Calmly ask your husband why your MIL has a seat in your marriage and how can the two of you, working together, remove that seat and develop a more appropriate relationship with her as the Mother of an Adult Man with is own immediate family that, frankly, trumps her.

    If your instagram use is causing trouble in your marriage and family.. why are you using it? Or why are you using it in the manner that you are? It's so unimportant. Keep that in mind. Instagram is not important. Real people are.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Id never marry into that mess life is too short.

    His motger simply has t stopped parenting plus being rude work for her.

    If you told her not to talk to you unless she had something nice to say that wouldd create a problem with hubby because he's never spoken up.

    Plus all her meatling in your business

    Id move on for you earn a degree get a career and a better guy without mommy issues.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Your issue is with your husband, not his mother. It is his job to put her in her place and let her know that her behavior won’t be tolerated. Sounds like that isn’t the case, so now you really do need to figure out if you can live with this until she dies or not.

    My MIL was absolutely awful to me for years and years, and my husband finally confronted her about it. They ended up not speaking for five years. They have since rebuilt their relationship, and she is now much more respectful and kind, because she realized that when he said her behaviors, words, and attitudes were not ok, he meant it.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 3 weeks ago

    So ask yourself why you have her on Instagram and can't you block her? And why are you so concerned with her in the first place?

    You married a Mommy's Boy so you're going to have to suck it up and get used to it. Not sure why you care what she does.

  • 3 weeks ago

    I was one of those nice people that sat in my corner trying my best not to offend anyone till one day I heard something during work purely by accident by a friend that was arguing with one of our co-workers.

    Co-Worker - Another kid... (Silently smiles with her friends)

    My Friend - They all got the same father though.

    Co-Worker - ... (Speechless and walks away but hurt)

    Me - Did you have to be so mean, aren't you guys friends?

    My Friend - If she didn't give it a second thought to how I'd feel when she said that to me why should I bend backwards to make her feel good about herself?

    I give it just as I get it.

    Me - ... What she said changed my life and to this day if you're nice to me I'm nice to you, if you're a sarcastic ahole to me I'm going to dish it out just like I get it.

    Changes I noticed is that people tend to tow the line with me now as they know I'm not taking no bullcrap from anyone.

    I'd post so much **** about her it would drive her insane but first I'd be like babe you like this quote I'd pick my quotes wisely too :3 yes torture her and have fun doing it. Ha!

    If you got the time to worry about all this you got time to plot indirect ways to make her lose her mind or leave you alone. Make a thanks giving turkey knowing shes going to bad talk it and then simple reply well... Your son helped and it's kinda your recipe... If it taste that shitty maybe I'll ask my mom for her recipe next year... I slowly enjoying roasting her on an intellectual level with my marriage intact.

    Husband - Mom says you're doing this on purpose

    You - Making a thanks giving turkey with her recipe...

    him - ...

    You - I'll buy her a gift to apologize

    carry him with you and continue the cycle, I bet you after a while she won't dare look in your direction or try any shady stuff again because she know they'll be heavy repercussions.

    Hope I... Helped... I shouldn't be giving people advice should I XD... Best of Luck to you.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.