Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

Should I forgive my dad?

Long story short. My dad has never helped or been there for me and my brother as kids. Recently he got remarried and didn’t invite me and my brother ( he even invited the whole street of people he barely knows abut not his own children). Before he got married he told me that we were too much of the past and he needs to move on. It’s been 6months after the wedding and now I get calls daily where he is crying saying he bad a big mistake and if I can please forgive him . What do I do? I feel like it’s so hard to forgive him after all the hurt he has caused me and my brother . His new wife says he is up all night crying but I feel the only reason he feels guilty is because his new wife and family have told him to make an effort with his children.

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  • Linda
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    I would forgive him but let him know his actions did a lot of damage and you are still hurt. If he wants to start being a father now to show he really means it, then he will need to prove it by his actions.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    I'd let him stew for a while longer.

  • 3 weeks ago

    You get to decide if you more value your wounds and resentment.. or if you'd value the rebuild of your family relationships and a different future. Which one is more appealing to you and which one will lead to a more joyfilled life now and later?

  • 3 weeks ago

    Forgiving them vs having a person in your life are not mutually exclusive-

    I agree with you, your father hasn't been a good parent to you, neither when you were a child or as an adult! It's clear to me, he doesn't truly want a relationship with you going forward, its his wife that is pressuring him into forming one with you, and of course naturally he's listening to her words.

    However, holding onto anger is NOT a good thing for you! It will only hold you back in life, and bring down those around you. Quite frankly, you are also giving your father too much control, you are allowing him to have a say in your life by holding onto this grudge you have against him. What happened in the past, is what happened in the past, it's done, and as much as you want to go back and rewrite history, neither of you can! 

    You don't have to let him back into your life (that's your choice), but you need to forgive him for YOUR sake, not his! You can make the choice after to either allow him back in your life OR to wish him well and move on, that is soley on you.

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You can tell him that you forgive him, but that you draw the line at being a part of his future.  He's chosen his new life, and you and your brother (if you want to speak for him) are in his past only.  You will talk to him only on a very limited basis, such as once a month (let's say, the third Sunday of every month), and if he doesn't abide by that request, then there will be no contact at all.  He hurt you and your brother when you had no choice but to endure the hurt, and you want to distance yourself from further reminders.  Don't let him argue or whine.  Tell him you're hanging up, to call you only on the specified date, and hang up.  If he calls back, don't answer, and don't answer any calls except on the date you select.  It's called "tough love", and it works on adults as well as on children.

    Source(s): licensed professional counselor
  • RP
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    At least he realizes the error of his ways, but one must wonder what role his new spouse played in that terrible mistake. While the damage done can't be undone, perhaps your forgiveness will open the door to a brighter and better future for you all. If you withhold your forgiveness you will be continuing to punish yourselves as well as him.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    In theory, forgive him.

    In practice some hurts are too big to forgive.

    Only you know which category is involved.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Always forgive and don't expect anything and if it does that would be great.

  • lala
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You can forgive him 

    but you are under no obligation to love him 

    Just be polite when he call 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Yes, forgive him.

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