Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 3 weeks ago

Why do my (few) friends always unload their problems on me (work, health, etc) & we never laugh or have fun?

I miss laughing and enjoying f/ship

I listen of course but I want to have fun too!

I never laugh with friends

Update:

Of  course I listen but i need fun too

Im socially anxious and meeting new friends isnt easy

13 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    The concerns of adults are usually different from the concerns of children and you and your friends may just be reaching that point in life where "fun" is hard to come by with all the real life issues you all face.

  • 3 weeks ago

    OKAY. I went through this for years. People in general are selfish. If they feel they have a listening ear, they will take advantage. 

    Set boundaries. Say, "I'd like someone to listen to me, as well." Or, "I'm sorry, but I'm feeling low today, could we discuss something else."

    If they won't listen, ignore them and find other friends. There are a TON of narcissistic people out there who exploit what they call Empaths. Whether being an "empath" is real or not, it's more or less a useful way to explain this dynamic. Basically, selfish fuckturds take advantage of kind people who care. They drain you. 

    Find people who make you feel energised, not drained. If you feel drained around them, it's a great reminder to disengage. Life's too short. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    maybe you need different friends

  • 3 weeks ago

    If you feel your friendships are continually unloading on you emotionally and you feel worn down by this constant occurrence, have a conversation with them and reset the boundaries between you. Emphasize you are open to listening, but you also want to have fun with them and share in the laughter. If you have previously been known to be the 'go to' person when it comes to problem-solving/problem listening, only you can change that dynamic and expectation.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    How the hell would we know why when we don't know your (few), friends? Please explain, assuming you're not a troll. If you ARE a troll however, you can indicate that by not responding. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Sometimes people whine and wallow in self-pity because they're used to it. It's a habit.

    What you can do is gently turn the conversation in another direction. Find less-depressing things to talk about: funny stories on the news, something interesting that you saw, etc. Make a list of those subjects as you think of them or they come up so you'll remember. 

    If it gets really bad you might have to tell the person that you'd rather talk about something else. In a sense, these people may think they're "honoring" you by unloading on you, so you might have to flat out tell them that you'd rather find something better to talk about: "Hey, this is kind of depressing. Can we talk about something else? There are other ways we can spend our time."

    It's not easy, because you don't want to be insensitive, but you can't just be submerged in other people's misery.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    When someone tells you a sob story, simply make light of it and make a few lighthearted jokes about it.  For example:

    Friend: I think I'm getting the flu

    You: Well you could stand to lose a few pounds.

  • 3 weeks ago

    You're going to have to draw a line in the sand. You obviously come across as someone with a sympathetic ear and people are taking advantage of that. So YOU are going to have to tell them that you're not interested in anyone's problems. "I need a laugh. I need to have a good time. So let's not talk about our problems. OK" They might act miffed for a moment or two. But just ignore that and move on.

    Source(s): A lifetime of being everyone's free counselor.
  • 3 weeks ago

    Then a social occasion where you meet new people would be ideal. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    because you too nice to people who are not really your friends

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