Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

How to stop the separation from turning into a divorce?

I've been with my wife for three years and married nine months (seven of them seperated). Two months after we got married, my wife told me she wanted a divorce, that she made a mistake. I thought she was just stressed because we both lost our jobs within a month of getting married, and we moved back in with my parents. 

Two weeks after telling me she wanted to end our marriage, she got a full-time job. After her first paycheck, while I and my parents were out of the house, took her clothes, makeup and television and moved out. She went and rented a furnished room in someone's house. 

I begged her to come back. But she said that she needed space. I reluctantly agreed. After a month, my parents hired a PI to see if she was cheating, and after a few weeks, there was no evidence. 

A few weeks ago she told me we were finished and that in the new year she'll have the money to file for divorce.  I thought the last couple of months we were doing better. 

Last night I found out she had started dating someone two days after she told me we had no hope of getting back together. I'm heartbroken. I once again begged her to reconsider. She told me that she cared about me, but that she knew as soon as we said I dos that it was a mistake, that she thought it was her having cold feet and she'd overcome it, but she now knows that she wants to move on, and wishes me all the best.

Should I suggest marriage counselling or just accept she just doesn't want me anymore? 


She is 20 and I'm 22. 

Update 2:

There is really nothing to split. I found a job a month after she moved out. I make a bit more than her. She left most of the furniture, and only took her car. While her car is newer than mine, it had a year left on the loan.

8 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You can always ask her if she'd consider counseling but when you've only been married for two months and one party already wants out this could just be one of those youthful indiscretions you'll both take as a life lesson. You clearly didn't have enough savings built up to get married and living with parents as newlyweds tends to end even good relationships. Obsess less about her dating and worry more about building yourself into someone who'd make a good spouse. Until you have a job and your own place to live you won't be looking like a good bet to her.

  • 3 weeks ago

    The fact that she left you two months after the wedding and has no intention of returning to the marriage suggests that you will be able to, quite easily perhaps, get the marriage annulled. She didn't mean her vows. She's told you she knew that immediately. Get the marriage annulled.

    And shame on your parents. For that same money they could have moved you out of the house into a space of your own as well and you and your wife could be on equal footing again regarding trying to rebuild your lives while NOT living with your parents. As long as she's working and supporting herself I think there is likely no chance that she'll want to go into counseling with you if you're still living with your parents and dependent on them. You have a job. When you say, "move back", are you still talking about moving into your parent's home? It took her a month to move out of there. It's now been 7 months... are you still living with your folks? 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Obviously she's certain that she made a mistake with you and wants to get on with her life. Don't fight it.

  • 3 weeks ago

    When a woman walks away and to someone else, she is gone. There is no getting her back. 

    Sometimes women when trying to find a better partner will entertain you while they go on the search. You don’t want to waste your time. 

    Best to get the divorce done. Don’t let her walk all over you. Don’t be fair. Take what you can and move on. You're very young. 

    A word to the wise, don’t ever move back home unless you have to. This is beyond unsexy to women. You need to get your life straight and stand on your own two feet. 

    And if you were even vaguely smart, you would never ever marry a woman. Too much to risk. 

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  • Ana
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    First of all, You need to stop trying to get your quote “wife” back and instead focus on the legal aspect of this. You need to focus on protecting yourself legally, and financially.

    Here’s the hard truth: You have been CONNED. You’ve been SUCKERED. She is not your wife she is a fraudster. It’s pretty clear she never intended to be with you. She only intended to get married in order to benefit somehow, and she didn’t waste NO TIME filing for that divorce. The question is... HOW does she benefit? 

    Is she financially benefiting from the divorce somehow? Like is there money for her to gain from this? If so, then you should get an annulment based on “marriage fraud”- and also you can say you never “consummated the marriage”- assuming you guys don’t have any texts admitting to having sex with each other. (Otherwise stick to saying it’s marriage fraud.)

    Is she benefiting from alimony? Getting the house? Getting 50% of your assets? Getting a will? What is the benefit? Getting green card? 

    Two months after your marriage is very very soon, it’s easy to get an annulment in that case. So the question is, why is she wanting divorce? Is she trying to get 50% of your assets, the house, or alimony? You need to get a lawyer, and also the private investigator needs to get pictures of her with her new boyfriend

    Source(s): If your wife asks for the divorce, smile and say “no need for all that baby, don’t flatter yourself, we don’t need to get a divorce. We can just get an annulment, much easier and simpler, it’ll be as if the marriage never happened“ and smile big. If she gets angry and fights it, then hey, you know she doesn’t really want to “just end the marriage and move on”- her real goal is that she wants to steal your money and benefits!
  • 3 weeks ago

    Go to <religious institution of your choice> get down on your knees and give thanks to <deity> for this wondrous event, namely wife bugging out. She was cheating on you the entire time bro. Some dude spun her some BS and is in her pants. Made a mistake? My @$$. She's been with you long enough to know what she signed up for. Give her a couple of months, When she comes crawling back begging for forgiveness (and she will be back but not in a cool Terminator way) you just shut the door in one of her faces. How sweet that moment will be.

  • Linda
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    As sad as I am for you, marriage counseling cannot work unless two people are willing to give it 100 percent. Your wife has moved out and is seeing someone and wants a divorce and so you have to let her go and I know it hurts. I have been there myself but you will get over her and meet someone else in time.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Let her go, as hard as it'll be. You have been separated more than you have been married. And in reality, you have been together only two and half, as you spent the last half of the year separated. She's checked out, started dating. Maybe you should try the same. Also how old are you two? Edit to add: Yes let her go. You two are so young. She probably realizes that you aren't the one. 

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