My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. What should I do?

Hi. A little backroung. I have known my husband since college. We dated for almost 7 years and married 1/5 year ago. He has 3 sisters and his father passed away 4 years ago. His mother is very emotionally dependent on her kids, especially on my husband Things only escalated after our marriage.

We went in our honeymoon and she was able to convince us to come with us. For good, one of my husband's sister came with us and so we were able to enjoy part of it alone. After marrying, we moved to my husband's hometown so that he could be near her. I always went along because i wanted to support him and and I understood the death of her husband devastated her.

But now it's impossible. When she is alone with me, she is always putting me down, but never directly. She will say things like: "Oh I educated my daughters so differently from how your mother educated you... but that's ok. We have to be modern"... 

I am 7 months pregnant and me and my husband had decided on a name for our baby: Naomi. However, when we revealed it, my in-law right away said she didn't like it and instead asked us to call her Mary Louise (Louise my in law name......). She said she would die in peace if we could do that. Of course my husband is now torn.

I am really sad now. I love my husband and don't want to go against him. And is not even that I want Naomi that much, I was open to other suggestions. But having a daughter named Mary Louise will always remind me of a woman who cleary doesn't like me. 

22 Answers

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  • kristy
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    You could accidentally make her fall down some stairs, lol

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Yikes! Not to be rude, but what were you thinking? Your first red flag was her and his sister  going on YOUR HONEYMOON!!! 

    You need to have a serious talk with your husband. He needs to put on his big boy undies and stand by you and stop giving in to his crazy family. Do not name this baby Mary Louise. Your mil can only do what your husband allows her to do!!!! 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Your husband made his marriage vows to YOU - not his insecure and needy mother. The baby name thing is disgraceful emotional blackmail, and if you and your husband give in to it you will be making a rod for your own backs, and she will dominate your lives and your child's life for ever! Be nice, though, and perhaps use her name as a second or third name for the child. However, you need to be firm about things like visits. You and your husband (especially him) must tell her that she will only be welcome to visit if she can be pleasant and civil. She must NEVER be alone with the child if she ever says anything against you - and you two in turn must agree with her that you will not be critical of her in front of the child (I don't mean  when a tiny baby, of course). You do need to make agreements such as these or your lives could be totally dominated by this woman, so you both need to be strong and supportive of each other. Good Luck!

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Of all the triumphs and tragedies this woman has endured in her lifetime, I’m sure you naming her granddaughter Mary Louise won’t make that much of a difference on her deathbed. She’s just using this as a manipulative threat to guilt trip you and her son into doing what she wants. It isn’t even about the name. It’s about her insecurity. She wants to know her son will do as she pleases  over what you want. It’s a childish game I’m all too familiar with. Convince your husband not to give into her. This is your child, not hers. She had the chance to name her kids whatever she wanted. You can respectfully tell her you appreciate her insight, but that you and your husband are still discerning names. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You could possible name the baby Naomi Louise- meet in the middle. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    For one,  even if you named her Mary Loise I wonder if she would like you.  Dying in peace, another manipulation.  She is intruding and loves to harass you. 

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You should tell your husband that his mother's intrusions into your life have reached the point where you're doubting the marriage. Perhaps he can reason with her. Perhaps he'll decide that since there's a sister on call he can move away from this hometown. But if your husband is so "torn" that he can't decide whether his primary allegiance is to his mom or his wife you may have no choice but to either just roll with this (for the rest of her life) or divorce this man.

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      4 weeks agoReport

      As always, Foofa gives good advice.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Kill that slut and dispose the body

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    • Chae-won
      Lv 4
      4 weeks agoReport

      Stupid,  that isn't stupid,  it is what many men do,  they use those terms that I won't repeat.  They are sexually debasing and I hate those characterizations of females.  Are there equivalent  terms for men?  Of course not,  we are conquests but I do not play that game.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Sorry you're in this mess, but you ignored some big red flags.   Now you're married to a mama's boy and this is hell on earth.  Like most over-involved moms, she is very very manipulative and your husband is unwilling to stand up to her.

    You say she convinced "us" to go on your honeymoon, but that isn't true.  She convinced her son, meaning both of you failed. He should have stood up to his mom and you should have forced him to do so.  Nobody brings mommy on a honeymoon!

    On your baby's name, this is where you need to finally take a stand.  You say your husband is "torn", but in a marriage, this shouldn't happen.   He has a new little family now and mom is supposed to come 2nd. Stand up for yourself and tell him YOU are naming YOUR child what you want.  If he refuses to support you, leave the marriage.

    That sounds extreme, and maybe so, but this is because it's so overdue.  When he wanted mommy to tag along on the honeymoon, you should have told him the wedding wouldn't take place if he didn't sack up and tell her no.   At some point, if you want to save this marriage, you're going to need couples counseling.  No sane woman would want mommy interfering in every life choice you make.

    • David
      Lv 6
      4 weeks agoReport

      anonymous nailed it...mommy on honeymoon should have been enough to cancel the wedding

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  • Linda
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    Sit your husband down and explain you are naming the baby naomi and he needs to talk to his mom bc she is being annoying and rude and this is driving a wedge between you and him and if it continues either mom goes or you all see her far less or you go. And stick with it. Your husband is used to babying his mom. Don't allow it.

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