I can’t stop fantasizing about having sex with my husband’s older brother. What should i do??

Before I’m judged please read.I met my husband when I was 19& he was 26(im27 now)   He is the only person iv ever had sex with.We moved to the state his family lives in after only a year of dating.In the 1styear I felt his brother would make passes@me,@which I couldn’t be sure butI always told my husband about.He would look down my dress@my boobs&smile @me&nod or caress myhand if I handed him something&stare @me.I always told my husband not to do anything bc I nvr knew if it was just in my head.Then we all got drunk &he tried feeling me up.tried sticking his hand down the back of my pants&touching my legs under the table.I didn’t make a scene bc his kids were awake but I told my husband when we all were going to sleep &my husband told me he wUd tlk to him but he didnt.After 2years we finally started hanging out around him again.My husband &I recently separated for 8mnths &in that time his brother would keep trying to talk to me.He ended up sendingme a dick pic.I told him to stop&

deleted him from my fb.I told my husband about everything but he never tlkd to him about it.We R 2gether now&we all act like nothing happened.My prblm is since getting back with my husband we havnt had sex.He says he wants to make sure we r good b4 we have sex again.Now I fantasize about having sex his bro while I masturbate.even though I think he’s a horrible person I am still attracted to him&even though I deleted him from my accts he still goes on them &likes my pics.IcantStopThinkingAboutHim


Btw my husband and I didn’t separate bc of this. I ended up finding out after five years together that he never told me about a child he had with someone before he met me. I only ever knew he had one kid with someone but then found out he actually had 2 with 2 diff women. This caused me to not trust him and our relationship all of a sudden became toxic. We needed the time away to figure out if I could get over him lying and if I could trust him again. 

Update 2:

I made a mistake. My husband was 27 when I met him. He is 35 now, and the brother in law is 47. On top of finding my brother in law attractive, I have a thing for older men. Not old old but Middle Aged definitely.

10 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Stop posting on social media if you're at all serious about saving your marriage. Look, you married too young and without enough experience so if it hadn't been your brother-in-law it would have been someone else. You're extremely fortunate your husband is even willing to work on the marriage, but apparently he is. Now, if you don't have kids you might want to divorce so you can go out and live the single life you missed out on by committing to this guy barely out of childhood. But if there are children involved you're going to have to put your own needs aside, get into marriage counseling and find a way to give them an intact home (or at least two co-parenting homes with a lot of good communication and cooperation).

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    There's too much temptation for you in this family. I suppose you find your BIL attractive for the same reason you find your husband attractive, since they come from the same genetics. As for the rest of the drama with your husband, I think since he's had a full and adventurous life, with two kids out of wedlock, maybe you should go and have your own adventure with your BIL?

    • maya4 weeks agoReport

      I feel like this sometimes. Like not experiencing sex with anyone else when my husband has had way more experience. I never cared that much because I enjoy sex with my husband but now that we’re not having any I’m like wtf. Ty for your response. I do have a son I have to think of too though.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I think you need to get totally away from this family. I'm assuming you don't have children yourself. Your husband is weak and allowed his brother to insult you and him without complaint. You don't have sex with him anyway. His brother has spent your whole marriage incestuously touching you - despite living with your sister in law and their children. Have you no concern for her at all? You were young and naïve and have no knowledge of normal life. This is a toxic family and you - in your state of sexless marriage - can only think of your husband's perverted brother. RUN AWAY NOW. Go home to your parents or to a shelter.

    • maya4 weeks agoReport

      They divorced about 2 years after the touching incident happened but I’ve been told by everyone that they had problems the whole relationship. My BIL is good looking but he’s also a POS. He’s nice but he’s a horrible partner  

  • 1 month ago

    I think you should just go ahead do the deed with him, you have done it in your mind and come masturbating thinking about him already! Just do it!

    • maya4 weeks agoReport

      Lol, I know if my husband and I ever divorce I’m going to for sure...along with many others haha, but as of right now I don’t want to do anything that could mess up our son. It’s so hard though cause I really need to have sex. Doing it on my own isn’t cutting it. 

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  • 1 month ago

    it's just sexual attraction - if this is true in any sense of the word.

    • maya1 month agoReport

      And my husband is the youngest (35) and the brother I’m attracted to is the oldest. (47)

  • 1 month ago

    a strange family.............

  • 1 month ago

    I see nothing wrong with continuing having fantasies about his brother, but if it bothers you then just use some self control and stop masturbating to thoughts of him. And yes, therapy would be a good idea in this situation.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Feelings come unasked. Actions are a choice 

    He is married, so you really know what you should do.....nothing, and keep on doing it 

    • maya1 month agoReport

      TY for understanding!I don’t want to think about him sexually but I just do.He’s actually not married anymore,I know that’s beside the point.I’m just worried bc sometimes I get this urge to message him.I know I would regret it.I just think about how he’s my sons uncle and stop. mayB I need therapy 

  • d j
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    He knows you'd be desperate.

    This is his golden chance to get what he always wanted.

    He knows you're weak and available.

    He just wants to use you.

    This moment of weakness will make you regret whole lifetime.

    You will lose any chances that you may have at future relationships.

  • 1 month ago

    Actually you CAN stop doing this, you just don't want to enough. If someone cut off a finger every time you did it, you'd stop soon enough! The fact that you didn't even know about the second child shows what sort of a father your husband is. You are probably best off moving along from this family..... Good Luck!

    • maya1 month agoReport

      We have a 21month old whom he’s been a great father to. I get what you’re saying but I thought about it for 8 months and made the decision to come back and forgive him. I feel horrible for having these feelings. I’ve never made his brother think I like him though. I’ve always told him to stop. 

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