Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

Ive developed feelings for another person while in a long term relationship?

Ive been in a committed relationship for almost 3 years now. My boyfriend is really good to me, however we havent actually talked about marriage or our future together. Whenever I try to bring it up, theres always something about how were not ready for that yet, or maybe some day. We have very different work schedules and really only have time to see each other on weekends. I spend a lot of time by myself, and often feel lonely.

Ive recently become pretty good friends with this guy. My boyfriend knows about him and nothing has happened that I feel I would have to keep a secret. However, Ive started to develop a bit of a crush on him. My boyfriend has never said or done anything to make me feel bad about myself, but something about the way this guy treats me just makes me feel really good about myself. We have the same sense of humor and joke around with each other a lot. Hes so sweet and tells me to hit him up if Im ever single, but Im not really sure if hes joking. I feel really comfortable around him, and genuinely enjoy his company.

I feel kind of guilty, even though I havent done anything wrong, like in a way Im cheating. But I also don’t want to end my friendship with this guy because Ive been so lonely and I have a lot of fun when Im with him. Im worried that since my boyfriend avoids talking about our future, maybe I am wasting my time with him. But I also don’t want to end a good three year relationship due to a simple crush, that I don’t even know is reciprocated.

4 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here's what happens to a lot of woman (as shown in the movie When Harry Met Sally- you should watch that)- they hang in with men who are reluctant to marry them and then they break up and the guy meets someone he's crazy about and gets married within the year. Your boyfriend is comfortable with what you have and won't change it unless you force it. I know a woman who got fed up with this situation and took a job in Spain. Her bf then decided he missed her so much that he flew to Spain and proposed. You probably don't really care about this other guy, but you just miss being appreciated. I know a man who drives 7 hours every weekend to be with his girlfriend, and then 7 hours back. I know another man who gets up early to start his wife's car so that's it's warm when she gets into it. If your guy doesn't feel like that about you, you deserve better. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Take the new guy out of the equation and look carefully at how your current relationship corresponds to your needs and goals. Write out what you want now and in the future and include marriage, monogamy, finances, kids, necessary time together, and try to work out a time line to meet YOUR needs. If your boyfriend doesn't want to play, question the seriousness of your relationship. Make a decision now about your future together. If you have a plan, and hopefully and date and a ring, you have some security and should reciprocate commitment. If not, become single again and call up your guy friend.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You keep asking this question, which means you know this isn't right at all, nothing about this situation is innocent! I don't know how else I can empahize this for you, but again, this is NOT acceptable, period!

    "In a way I'm cheating"- No, it's more like you are 100% cheating! Just because you haven't dropped your panties for the guy, doesn't make it any less being unfaitfhul! What you are having here is a "emotional affair", which is actually a lot worse than a sexual one, much worse.

    Let me put it to you this way- If the roles were reversed and your boyfriend had a crush on another woman yet hung out with her nearly daily, how would you feel? Put yourself in his shoes.

    You cannot have both of them, its one or the other! Its either you decide to remain committed to your boyfriend and end things with this other guy OR you decide to break up with your boyfriend, and pursue this other guy. 

    Balls in your court princess.

  • Laurie
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    It’s simple. You two should separate for at least six months, with each off you dating other people as you see fit.

    If it’s meant to be, you will come back together. Honest.

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