Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Do I make my wife mad, or my child's mother?

Recently, my 12 year old child has been quite the handful and has been acting out for his mother, my ex. She has decided to make him skip a basketball practice as discipline for his actions. She feels that if he can't behave then he doesn't get to play. My wife disagrees and says that he should be disciplined another way instead. I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I make my wife mad by going along with my ex's punishment for our child, or do I make my ex mad by allowing my son to go to practice anyway? The whole situation seems petty to me to begin with, but it's not so cut and dry. My ex can be childish at times and has been known to cause lots of problems and headaches over stupid stuff, but I have to live with (and love) my wife. The ultimate male dilemma of which woman do I want to piss off, and get pissed off by....

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  • 3 weeks ago

    At the end of the day the biological mother has a say so. She is the mother even if being unreasonable. She is in the child's life, she gets a say. I know you don't want to piss your wife off but imagine if a random guy steps in your ex wife's life and started telling your son things you went against. You have to respect her wishes as well dad. Just get you a case of beer just in case any decides to act out. I know how it can be parenting a child from 2 different homes.

    Good luck buddy!

  • 3 weeks ago

    You let women dictate too much for you. Your current slave owner should go F herself. And then  do what is necessary for your son. If you think mommy has lost her god damn mind, take her to court and begin to remove custody. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Your wife is free to share her opinion with you. But the decision is between you and the child's mother. If you're not man enough to own your co-parenting decision and tell your current wife it's not her child so it's not her decision, perhaps you shouldn't have any decision making authority at all..

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You're not "stuck" between anything. Your wife doesn't get a vote on how you and this child's mother raise your kid. Just explain to the missus that in order to maintain a decent relationship with your son you have to play along with his mother's demands. If your wife wants to make disciplinary decisions for a kid she's going to have to make her own child.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    As loving as your wife may be towards the child from another mother, he is still not HER child and what discipline you and the Mother decide is what goes.

    You cannot invoke a situation where the adults in his life are fighting amoungst themselves as to what constitutes a fair punishment or not. That gives the child ammunition to use against ALL of you. Don't be suckered into that game. OK?

    Perhaps putting it to her that way might help her come on board.

  • 4 weeks ago

    u should tell your current woman who is not the mother of the child to butt  out of your relationship with your child. the punishment seems not to bother u and u do not care whether your own child attends the practice or not, why is she in someone else\s business? she should keep her mouth shut on the matter

  • 4 weeks ago

    Who is the custodial Mom? If your wife gets mad because your child's Mother has the power to weigh in on her own child's disciplines.. I think you need to clarify to your wife that your son's MOTHER has that right. If it makes her mad, seriously, as a stepmother myself, that's her problem. Your son is giving his birth mother a hard time? His birth mother decides his discipline which, in this case, makes a lot of sense to me.

  • Anna D
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I don't think this is about either of the women. I think it's about doing what's right for your child. Figure out what punishment is appropriate and tell them both your decision. Making a kid skip practice is a pretty unusual punishment as practices aren't normally a lot of fun. It's almost like making a kid skip a day of school imo. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    How on earth do you expect anyone to answer this?

    You said nothing about what your child did or has been doing to "act out".

    You said nothing about the requirements of the basketball team.

    Only a total moron would boil this down to which woman he wants to piss off instead of determining what is the best course of action for his CHILD>>>

    You are a lousy excuse for a parent if you can't figure out that what's best for your child comes before the woman you currently **** and the woman you used to ****. 

     

  • 4 weeks ago

    Unless you have full custody, your current wife gets no say in how to raise your child with another woman. She can offer her opinion but the decision is between you and the child's actual mother. The most important thing no matter how you feel about your ex is to put your differences aside and put that child first. All 12 year olds act out. Middle school is one of the seven gates of h*ll for a lot of kids. Talk to your ex. Tell her what you think might be a better punishment and why. Especially if you hope that Division 1 basketball might help pay for college someday. Play on that angle, that you want the kid to be able to go to college. Then maybe suggest 3 days without internet or without his phone. These days, kids cannot go without texting. That threat alone was always enough to get my kid to behave. Speak rationally, speak with a plan and a reason for why you think a different approach might work better. And whatever you say don't tell her it was your current wife's idea. 

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