Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

My husband is slacking. What do I do? ?

So long story short my husband just isn’t understanding at all. He’s done so much the past year and a half to upset me to the point I’m not sure how to move forward. Here’s a list:

-Bought a car without asking me (I was out of town for a business trip, I am the bread winner of the house, and he went to buy himself an old school car bc he really wanted one!?!? he can not afford this car without my help & we already have 2 so this makes 3!!)

-Got another dog without asking me first (we have 2 other dogs so this makes three. Again, I was out of town when he did this.)

-WILL NOT CLEAN UP AFTER THIS THIRD DOG!! We just bought a house together in April of this year and my house wreaks like piss. There’s **** hardened on the floor and he doesn’t even care ... I picked it up when I got back home)

-He spends my money and takes out of my savings account bc he goes on shopping sprees (video games, stuff he can use at work, two heaters we don’t need at all, **** for his car, etc.)

-We have no sex life anymore

-He sleeps ALLLLLLL day (he works nights comes home at 6am and sleeps til damn near 6pm then gets ready for work and leaves)

And the list goes on. Any suggestions Or advice? I’m stuck in a hard place here as I’m EXTREMELY fed up with him.

Update:

Update - I was/am clearly upset but regardless we will work through this.. Thanks for letting me vent lol. 

8 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like you two need to go to couples therapy. Just on the fact that he's spending money that you two cant afford and big purchases without even consulting you. You two are married, not dating. Your finances are his finances. If he isn't willing to get help, then you have two options. Either deal with the fact he's like this, or leave. You can't force someone to change, so... he needs to be willing to work on the relationship and work on the spending habits. It takes 2 to make a marriage work.

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  • 2 months ago

    Change your bank/account/access.

    Rehome the dogs.

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  • 2 months ago

    Two words - separate accounts. Three preferably.

    The first one where he can't draw money out of. That's yours where you put your pay. From here you pay into the other bills account.

    Then there is a second account for his pay. He gets to leave in a certain a certain amount of "play" money for himself. This is the ONLY account he can access. That is his to do with as he pleases. Once that is gone he has to wait til next pay day. If he wants something big he has to save for it out of his own account.

    A third for money to be put aside to meet the bills, direct debits,savings goals, etc. Again which he does NOT have access to. He has to contribute to this account a set amount from each pay. That way he is contributing towards the bills/household too.

    That should help ease the money issues.

    I cannot see what he can do with the new dog if he is sleeping the whole day while presumably the dog is awake, playing, pooping, etc. It is irresponsible for him to have another dog if he is not caring for it at all. In fact its not fair on the dogs he had before either.

    The thing is if you are both working different shifts, want vastly different things from life, can;t agree about money etc, and not sharing much or getting along then divorcing might be an option for you two.

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  • 2 months ago

    Nice try. This isn't true at all

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  • 2 months ago

    This guy definately has no RESPECT whatsoever for you and takes you for granted and is a SLOB. I would start by opening up a savings account where he cant access it and then get rid of him. His behaviour is also not from someone who is in love.

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  • 2 months ago

    He is pathetic.  He needs to be a man not a mouse.  Video games?  How old is he? 14?  I pray for you especially.

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  • 2 months ago

    Please work things out with your husband... He doesn't seem like a bad guy.. Please don't take the easy way out by getting a divorce.

    God bless your marriage.

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  • 2 months ago

    It is almost funny.  From everyone that is thinking about divorce I get this huge long list of "faults" in the other person.  It is largely to justify the thoughts that a person has.  If you dwell on the faults of a paragon of virtue you can find fault.

    People can find fault with Mother Theresa or with Jesus. 

    For each REAL problem there is a solution.  But I don't think that you have identified the real problem yet.

    All of these complaints are peripheral to the underlying issues. 

    Has he changed over the years or have YOU?  Is he the man you married and you didn't see it at that time? 

    You won't want to hear it but I would start looking at yourself.  At whatever complaints he may have against you.  Work on improving yourself and encourage him to work on improving himself.

    Be gracious in acknowledging everything that he tries to do better rather than just accepting it "as of right".  If you understand that two people GIVE things to each other you will be in a better frame of mind to address the issues and find positive answers to each one

    Source(s): `
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