Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 3 weeks ago

Why the delay in asking me to marry him? ?

My partner had planned to ask me to marry him, I know this because he asked my parents permission to ask me to marry him. I was so excited and asked him what the ring looked like, he responded by showing me a picture of the ring in a google search. 

A few days later in conversation I told him that the ring was lovely but it is an eternity ring and not an engagement ring. 

Fast forward nearly a year and he still has not proposed, when I asked him if he has changed his mind he explained that he hasn’t but since I turned up my nose at his ring that he hadn’t had enough time to buy a new one and that it wasn’t a priority right now. 

Did I handle the situation wrong? Do you think my feelings on the ring has put him off proposing to me? 

Update:

Just to add that I expressed my feelings on the ring because he had not proposed to me, had he actually proposed I wouldn’t have refused based on the fact that It was an eternity ring and not an engagement ring. 

I admit I may have handled it wrongly, I’m not materialistic and really do love and want to marry this man, I have asked what the problem is but don’t want to push things if he has changed his mind. 

20 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Yes, when someone selects a gift for you and you reject it out of hand it does make them wonder if you're really the kind of person they could live with for life. Of course you handled the situation wrong... But if he ever marries you at this point you'll know he's the forgiving type. Important to remember that a wedding is just a party and all that really matters is the relationship you're hoping to sanctify. People who get too wrapped up in the superficial parts of it tend to neglect the real reasons marriage exists.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    oh... stop being so picky and snobby and spoiled. I can see why, coming from an outsiders point of view.... and that's so weird that you would ask to see the ring and all of that... it's supposed to be a secret. you basically ruined it.

  • If you knew he was going to propose, maybe you should have shown him a few pictures of rings that you like or gone ring shopping together. Maybe he didn't know any better, but an engagement ring can be anything ring he proposes with. Maybe that's what he can afford as an engagement ring.

    You have to talk to him. Let him know you love him and you still want to be married to him. Tell him you're sorry didn't reject his proposal, you just didn't like the ring. Maybe he's intimidated that you're going to reject again, or he's saving up money to get what you think is an engagement ring. You don't know what's going on in his mind, until you have an honest chat about this with him.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Tell him you Love him and had your heart set on getting married all year then tell him you would like to know his intentions because you would like to move forward with marriage or make some tough choices.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    I don't agree with most of these answers, because it's not about the ring. Yes, you handled it badly and he does appear to be sulking.   But what struck me most was the total lack of mature communication on both sides.  

    Don't ask yes or no questions about a proposal.   Instead, you need to know what is truly in his heart and whether he sees you as his wife.   It's pretty astounding a year has gone by and (based on the way this reads) you finally asked about it, but your focus was on the ring.  So your question was immature and his response was even worse.  

    Worst of all?   You're asking random people online why he's delaying.   This is a man you plan to marry!   That means you ask HIM.  But leave the ring and proposal stuff out of it.   This is about your relationship and your goals re marriage.

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      3 weeks agoReport

      This is a far better answer than the one I offered, listen to "Messykatt" !

  • 3 weeks ago

    I would say yes, it hurt his feelings..

  • drip
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    He is still sulking after a year. I can understand him being upset, but it is a year later. And he isn’t asking just because of if.  Get a grip and open you eyes. Do you want to deal with this the rest of your life.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Any ring that is used in a proposal is an engagement ring.

    You basically told him the ring wasn't ok - no wonder he's been put off the experience.

    Talk to him about your future together - not about the ring, but about where you see yourselves together in 5, 10 years time etc.

  • 3 weeks ago

    I think he's just pissed that he got the wrong type of ring. Try looking at some engagement rings with him

  • 3 weeks ago

    Maybe it's because both your parents and you ruined his surprise. On top of that, your ingratitude was pretty insulting. Any guy would be re-evaluating their decision after that.

    • David B.
      Lv 7
      3 weeks agoReport

      Candelabrum; Says who? For your information, most are.

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