Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 months ago

34 year old Boyfriend is horrible with saving money🙄?

We have been together for 4 years, living together 1 year. He used to live in LA, but moved down to SD to be with me. When we were dating I would go back and forth every other weekend from SD to LA(he doesn’t have a car). Now that we are living together , it has been a struggle financially for us.

 Let’s do some math: He gets paid $850 every 2 weeks working full time.I get paid $600 every two weeks working part time, but also have another part time job getting paid $875 a month. All he has to do is pay rent on time and for his bus pass. I pay for 2 credit cards, a loan, a car payment, car insurance, a gym membership and my half of the rent.  Why do I always have money more than him? Why does he struggle to pay his part of the rent ? Paying only $500/$450 sometimes. When we each have to pay $600. I end up paying the difference he couldn’t pay. It’s so irritating, considering I need gas & groceries and paying an extra $100/$150, sets my budget back.This past month, we went on a trip to Vancouver , Washington. We came back I got paid my $875 and he was struggling to gather rent. I told him “ I’ll pay your half of the rent if you pay for my bills this month” sounds fair right ?Nope. Paid for two of my bills totaling in $200, have $300 left over after that and he is now left with $20 of that $300... I’m confused, how? I’m way younger than him and his financial irresponsiblities are stressing me out. I’m starting to think I’d be better off living alone. What do you think? 

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    You made a common but deadly mistake.  Even though you'd been together 3 years when you moved in, your relationship wasn't on stable enough footing to take this major step.   If you were young, you probably thought of it as playing house.  If he's a lot older, he should have known better.

    This is all about communication, and the biggest issue of all is finances.  I didn't wade through all your details, because they don't matter.   There's probably hundreds of variations on what works for each couple.  What matters is getting this sorted out before moving in.  That's about open and honest communication.

    I'm not sure what to suggest.  You could try sitting down with him and creating a a full financial plan/budget, but there's so much water under the bridge by now I don't know if it would work.   I guess what you have to decide is whether he's worth the trouble of forcing this issue.   If he is, then give it a shot.  If not, live and learn.  Don't create a home with someone until you can discuss all issues that matter.

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You shouldn't have to help manage someone else's finances. especially at 34! sheesh. 

    Have you both had a conversation about budgets and saving? I'd go that route first and see if he can stick with it. give yourself a timeline and if it doesn't change, run! 

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  • 3 months ago

    He needs to start an allowance for you and random unexpected expenditures. Its time to sir down and have an adult yet peaceful conversation about you needing more help.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Ask him to sit down and do a household budget with you. If he refuses then you'll know there's no hope for him and you can end the relationship. But in truth you two together just don't really earn enough to live comfortably in San Diego. So you might consider relocating to a cheaper part of the state or country. There are reasons we Californians are fleeing in droves to other states and this is one of them.

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  • 3 months ago

    He will never make any effort because you are doing everything to make him have a comfortable life.

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Finance is often a problem in a relationship. He does not know how to manage money, you do. Things will never get better, until he makes changes. I doubt he will. Yes, you would be better off without him.

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  • 3 months ago

    I think it's astonishing that you two found an apartment in San Diego that only cost $1,200 a month. With a total income of $3,775 a month less the rent of $1,200 leaving $2,575 a month to cover discretionary income for two, utilities, bus pass, credit cards, a loan, a car payment, a gym membership, food, gas.... in San Diego, Ca! I think it's amazing. Congratulations.

    I'm also really impressed that you would take on thinking that you could afford a place on your own in San Diego, CA with all your bills and loans and stuff on an income of $2,075 a month. You two are financial wizards! That's a tight budget, isn't it.

  • 3 months ago

    Its typical of irresponsible people, you are either good with money or not. He clearly is not and it probably will never change. I dont understand how people just spend ALL of their money as soon as they get it, but there are plenty of them, especially these days

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    I'm thinking one of 3 things: he's spending money on drugs, he's been gambling or he's spending money on another woman. Seems like logical reasons for why a grown man who gets paid $875 every 2 weeks, barely has money for his bills. 

    • Kristin3 months agoReport

      $875 every two weeks is near poverty, especially in CA.

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  • 3 months ago

    His level of irresponsibility wont improve, it seems and so I wonder why you are putting up with it. It sounds like he isn't even trying, while you are trying to do it all. You'd be much better off separating and going your own ways. Maybe then he'll realize that he has to pull his weight in life, and not get someone else to do that for him.

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