Is it selfish to have another child because of feeling lonely ?

Im a single mom of one small child, I left his dad 2 years ago and haven't been in a relationship since. A small part of me is sad that it's just us two, we are often lonely being that he is autistic and most of my time revolves around work and making sure my son's life is great. Right before my ex and I seperated, I had an abortion we were afraid people would judge us for having another baby so quickly. Plus our son required a lot of attention at the time I didn't want to feel like I was neglecting one child for the other.

 My sister is about to have her 3rd child she just had my niece 4/5 months ago Idk why I'm feeling down about it like maybe I should have another but I'm already struggling as it is with the one I have. What are these feelings ?  I think I would even be happy caring for someone else's baby.  I missed a lot of things with my baby because he developed slower and I was miserable in my relationship. My son and I have gotten so much closer since it's just been us but I can't help this feeling of incompletion  

9 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    If you're lonely, you need other girlfriends your age. Perhaps there's a "mothers with autistic children" group in your area, so that you'd have friends who truly understand what you are dealing with. You might also need a boyfriend. I think you're feeling regret about the child you aborted needlessly and wish you had another little one. But you don't mention a boyfriend or husband who could help you raise another child. And since autism tends to run in families, you could also end up with another autistic child.

  • 1 month ago

    You should be married first a child need noth parents to raise him/her up.

  • 1 month ago

    You probably shouldn't from my perspective. I'm not a parent, nor even an adult but I do have experience with babies due to babysitting. Having a small child is one thing, but that child also having an mental issue (sorry if that sounds rude, its not supposed to come off as that) but children especially with autism need a lot of guidance and supervision. I'm not sure where your son is on the spectrum but if its high he might need help well into his teen years (My best friend's mom is a teachers aid and has to help this sweet boy who's a senior, with autism) so if your child needs help for a long time you might actually end up neglecting your other child. But, it is your body and your children, it's up for you to decide but you need to decide what the best option is.

  • 1 month ago

    Every child here is autistic, every birth control fails, every pregnancy test has to be wrong, everyone has anxiety, every one is clueless how human reproduction works and no one trust their doc so how can that even be?????

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  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you wanted to adopt, you'd have much more luck adopting an older child out of foster care than trying to get a baby to "start over" with. Infant adoption is very expensive and can take years (not to mention that most birth parents will prefer to choose couples over single parents), so TBH if you want a baby that badly, growing one of your own would be a heck of a lot faster and cheaper.

    While I think it's fine for women to opt to be single mothers by choice if they have the resources to raise children on their own, I don't think having another baby as a do over for your disappointments with the first one is a good enough reason to bring a second child into your family. What if the second child is disabled, too? Or has even more serious physical or mental health issues? Do you want a second child badly enough to be able to handle that possibility? Would you even be able to care for more than one disabled child?

  • 1 month ago

    Children should never be conceived to fill the emotional needs of their parents.

  • Silver
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    A baby isn't just a baby. It's a real physical person you hope to take care of for 18+ years, hope to give every luxury it deserves, send to college and give a great life. As well as not take anything away from your older son to do that.

    In my opinion, it sounds like you should start dating again. Maybe just having a partner again will cure that feeling, but it might end up giving you everything you want if you actually meet the right guy. If you get married, you would probably have more money, maybe more time, and actually naturally expand a family and have more kids, or like you said, raise step-kids, you never know. 

  • 1 month ago


    You want another child for perfectly selfish reasons. You haven’t once mentioned why it would be good for another child to be brought up by you under your current circumstances.

    The benefit to your existing child, and to your proposed child, has to become before any of what you’ve typed. As your existing child has autism it could also be extremely harmful for his wellbeing and if his perceptions of your feelings for him if a new life has to take precedence over his.

    The good thing is that your question strongly suggests that you already realise all of that, so perhaps you’re not so selfish after all...

  • y
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Sorry but I believe having another child now goes beyond being selfish, but it ain't my life. Have fun.

    PS, I actually had to look up how to spell ain't.

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