Who to include on obituary?
Recently my father in law passed away and My husbands ex-girlfriends daughter is included in the obituary as my husbands daughter and the deceased's granddaughter. My husband was never married to his ex, he never adopted the child, and the relationship isn’t even that close. I am taking offense to this. I feel guilty about it because I know my husband is going through a difficult time, however I find this to be very weird. My husband as well as his aunts and uncles took part in writing this obituary and my husband says he doesn’t see it as a big deal. I do because she is not his child and I feel like he takes other people’s feelings into consideration before he thinks about how any of this will make me feel. My question is, is this harmless? Am I blowing things out of proportion?
- chris nLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
Emotions run high at times like this. It's your husband's father who is dead and missed. The man's closest family - son, brothers, sisters wrote the obituary. I assume the ex g/f's daughter viewed your husband as a father? Perhaps the dead man as an honorary grandfather? The close family chose to add this child into the obituary. They are perfectly entitled to do so. It puts your nose out of joint and I understand that this ex g/f's daughter is anathema to you - or mention of the g/f at all - but you will sound extremely petty if you interfere. In these particular circumstances I think you are going over the top a bit. This funeral only involves you as a daughter in law, not a blood relation, and you could find yourself outlawed by the family because this particular thing has hurt your feelings. I do understand why - but I think you should now keep your mouth shut. You've vented to your husband. Leave it there.
- ron hLv 71 month ago
Stay back. If your husband is content, leave him alone. The only thing you can do now is hurt someone's feelings; maybe "many someone's" And your husband's father will still be dead. Wash some dishes, go to the grocery store--do something useful to clear your mind of this crap. (if you were a man, I'd tell you to mow the lawn or wash the car.)
- Barb OuthereLv 71 month ago
If the Ex's daughter saw your Father-In-Law as her grandfather too, and he saw her as his granddaughter, then including her on the Obits seems quite OK.
- historyLv 71 month ago
You are blowing things out of proportion. God doesn't care. The will doesn't care. The law doesn't care. The mayor doesn't care. Your husband doesn't care. And your husband's relatives don't care! Please be supportive instead of divisive at a time like this. Your husband and everyone else would appreciate that. I'm sorry for your loss but the obituary simply isn't about you. It's not about you.
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- Suzy QLv 71 month ago
Some people are just so. Very. Self. Absorbed.
Newsflash: this is not about you. If your husband says it's not a big deal, the LAST thing he needs is you making a big deal of it anyway. He is dealing with more important things.
Like his dad dying.
ISo just back off already.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Let me get this straight - your father-in-law passed away and your only concern is who is listed in the obituary? Ridiculous.
His father died and you want him to understand and appreciate how YOU feel?
Is your attitude toward this child harmless? No.
My husband died in his early 30's. My LAST concern was who to list in the obituary. Ridiculous.
- 1 month ago
Don't make waves........
- Anonymous1 month ago
If you want an honest answer, yes you are blowing this WAY out of proportion. That usually means it's tapping into something else.
If he has a habit of putting his relatives ahead of you, that's a very valid concern and you probably need to have a serious convo with him about why this isn't ok in a marriage. But don't use the wording on an obit as your hill to die on.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
If your husband's name is on the birth certificate he IS the legal father and there's nothing you can do about that. You chose to marry a man with a past, period. But if he's not the legal father this IS indeed strange. However, it's not worth making yourself a pariah with the family over it. I'd just leave it be. The deceased isn't your blood kin and it's for his actual relatives to decide what's in his obit.
- LindaLv 61 month ago
If your father in law looked upon his ex more or less as a granddaughter you are blowing things out of proportion. Do I detect some jealousy there? Imo you should let this go and not say a thing.