Am I being selfish for wanting to send my 4 year old son to his birth grandparents alone for 6 months? ?

My husband and I have adopted a little Chinese boy. It goes without saying that he is our entire lives. 

My son's birthmother had left him in the care of her parents and then they handed him over to the state. We're medical doctors and I went to China for a few seminars on rural children's health and saw their orphanage. I saw my little boy (we now know he is on the Autistic spectrum )

I know we aren't supposed to fall inlove with patients but I really did admire him. I was in China for 5 months.Nurses said he doesn't feed well and when I tried he accepted it with no fuss, taking care of him came so naturally and I gave him way more attention that the other wards. My husband came to visit as well and naturally I told him about the little boy and he too fell inlove, we decided that we loved him and wanted to adopt him. 

The problem has now arrised with my son's grandparents, they wanted to see him a few months ago and my husband and I agreed that we do not want our son to lose his heritage, obviously he will know and can see that he is adopted.

Now the grandparents want more access to my son and have said that if we do not bring him over for visits they will seek legal action to have him brought into their custody indefinitely. 

They want us to send him over alone for 6 months so that he doesn't forget them. 

This was a presumed closed adoption because his mother/grandparents has signed him over. I don't want him to resent me from keeping him away from his "real family"

13 Answers

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    I would suspect you would never see your son again if you agree to send him alone to see his "grandparents" for 6 months.  If they are so interested in seeing him, let them make the trip to the USA to see him and visit.  But do NOT let them take him anywhere alone.

  • GB
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    If you  are not trolling, sending your son to live with his grand parents for six months does not sound like a good idea.  It sounds like the grandparents want him, because of improvements such as  feeding well .  I doubt  if he would be sent to China if they seek 'legal custody'. But once you send him there for six months, it will be easier for them to refuse to send him back.  

    I think it will be bewildering for such a young child to be sent away from Mommy and Daddy.  What if he regresses, and  they send him to an orphanage again?  They might not tell you if they do it, and  want to have him somewhere they can visit at their convenience. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Hmm, your story is full of holes and unbelievable .

  • 4 weeks ago

    "has now arised" Ugh. Troll grammar. Also, the troll left out the slightly important legal stuff, like THE COURT WHICH GRANTED THE ADOPTION. The troll needs to up the troll's game.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Trolling, trolling, trolling

  • helene
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You just posted a bunch of horse ****.

    If you're trying to write a screenplay, make it believable.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Right.

    _______

    Source(s): Adoptee and Adoptive Mom.
  • 4 weeks ago

    Send him to the grandparents who turned him over to the state....? Uh that would be a NO.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Really?   Two supposed physicians who have experience in international children's health and international adoption are asking if it's a good or bad idea to cave to irrational demands by sending their autistic four year old to another continent to live with bio-relatives who terminated their rights? 

    Troll smarter not harder. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    this could be very dangerous, he should have access to his family but sending him alone at 4 to people who have given him up and dont have legal access to him sounds like it could possibly end poorly. perhaps try a family visit.

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