My girlfriend got upset with me for inviting my friend's girlfriend to a party?
My girlfriend and I are sharing a house with my friend.
Last week I planned a bbq. I invited my kids, their mother, and her husband. I also invited a few friends from work. Of course my housemate was invited, but he had to work. But before his girlfriend left, I invited her to join us.
My gf reacted VERY badly to this, and ended up not attending.
Her reasoning was:
- she expressed insecurities about this in the past and I still invited this girl, knowing her bf would not be there.
- the other girl is "so nice, gorgeous, energetic, etc... I am so awkward, quiet, unlikable (blah blah)" "the family will prefer her over me."
- "all these things I'm afraid of are going to happen whether I'm there or not, so I'd rather not watch it."
She knows that there's nothing between me and the girl. But she also says that she thinks I didn't consider her feelings by inviting her without her bf. I was honestly just being polite. This has happened a few times before when I gave a female friend a long hug because she was upset.
But her self-esteem is very low, and she fears that my loved ones will prefer a new woman over her, even though that has NEVER happened. She said that she knows from an objective point of view, most people would think she's being crazy and would not put up with that. But whenever things like this come up, her emotions still better of her. She's just started therapy so hopefully that helps.
Is there any more I can do to help her overcome these fears/jealousy?
- LindaLv 53 weeks ago
Tell her you love her, think the world of her, and you'd never look at another woman besides her and she has nothing to be jealous about. Since she is in therapy now, maybe she can work through her insecurities in therapy and learn to trust you by realizing that she is being unfair to you because you have been very trustworthy.
- Shadow Crow♀️Lv 53 weeks ago
You didn't consider her feelings and that was wrong! You should invite the lady's boyfriend because that's the appropriate thing to do!
- ZLv 53 weeks ago
You could start by respecting her feelings. I do not understand why you would go ahead and do the things that you know will fuel and worsen her insecurities. This is not the way that someone who loves you shows his support and concern about your weaknesses. The way to help her is not by invalidating her feelings, minimizing her concerns, and doing the things that aggravate her. The way to support her is by avoiding the things that will disturb her and creating a safe space for her to heal and develop herself. In her own time and with the right gentle and loving support, she will overcome her insecurites. But not the way you are currently going about it. If my boyfriend did this, I would dumb his insensitive ***. I don't have time for jerks.
- choko_canyonLv 73 weeks ago
So then why post all of this anonymously if you're not trolling?
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- ♠ Merlin ♠Lv 73 weeks ago
It isnt down to you to "fix her"
You did NOTHING wrong. I am perplexed at her age as her behaviour is that of a hormonal 13-15 year old girl "she is prettier than men, everyone loves her more than meeeeeee"
Your children are growing up seeing you facilitate this.
You invited a friends girlfriend, it was the polite thing to do.
You shouldnt have to alter perfectly normal behaviour in order to make someone else feel better about their flaws
Let her tackle this with her therapist
- 3 weeks ago
I think you need to put yourself in her shoes.
Imagine if she is the one who invites men (in relationship or not) to most gathering and parties you organized. You will feel insecurity too. especially if that happened most often.
You need to buy gifts for her or take her for romantic dinner every time that happens to ensure her about your feeling. otherwise, it will be very difficult for you if you want to keep this relationship.