Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

Why would anyone pressure another person to have sex?

I have been divorced 2 years, never dated since. One time my then girlfriend at the time wanted sex and I didn’t, we just came home from vacation. I wanted to relax and sleep, was tired. She started and I told her no, I don’t want to do this now, maybe tomorrow, she didn’t take the no seriously, until i pleaded with her several more times, then she let up. I felt scared and a sense of violation. Still married this woman and after a 3 year marriage, divorced. I didn’t see the pressure to have sex as a red flag, maybe it was? Maybe she thought men are always ready to go and always want it anytime. It’s just scary to have sex almost forced upon me, I already have enough issues because of childhood sexual abuse, so in a sense I have been violated both in childhood and adulthood. Just the thought of a new future relationship scares me and causes me a lot of anxiety, how can I trust again?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Here's the deal. Attractive women are trained by the way males treat them from an early age. They've learned that guys are always horny and always ready to go. So when they do encounter a guy who's not up for it at that particular time it does come as a bit of a shock. Sounds like there were other problems in this relationship though so congratulations of breaking free up it. If you're really now terrified of relationships you'll want to get into some counseling to work through that.

  • Linda
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    People who are abusive and controlling, force others to have sex. Your wife from what you said did this at least once during your marriage. If you are afraid to date again, you might consider counseling or go to a support group for people who have been sexually abused. Most people are not going to abuse you. You just had some bad experiences and you can find love eventually.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Normally - people pressure other people for things they want. It only becomes a violation when you make your wishes clear and they ignore and do what they wanted anyway.

  • kristy
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    You probably can’t unless you get over it. I couldn’t imagine going that long without sex

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  • Steve
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    Look for a local mental health clinic on google or phonebook to get a therapist.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    It sounds like you had a really screwed up childhood, and I feel sorry for your situation. I had parents that were rude in a different way, my mom was just mean and would always side with my sister even when my sister lied about me.

    However, speaking as a guy that was never sexually abused, I do think that a normal person would not react the way you did. If a girl was pushing me for sex, I would just see that as her exercising her first amendment right to try and negotiate what she wants. Obviously I would tell her no, unless she had done something really nice for me and I felt like it would be cool to reciprocate and do something nice for her.

    For example there’s times I’m not really “in the mood” but my wife was an amazing wife that day and I’m like; you know what? She fkin deserves it. Period.

    Obviously that’s something that you need to come to terms with in your own head, nobody can make you do that.

    But no; I’d never feel “scared” of a woman. I’m stronger than she is lmao.

    Source(s): I do think that you’re overreacting to say that somebody is violating you, and/or threatening you, just because they want to hook up and you don’t. You acting like you were scared is a little unnecessary, because let’s be honest, she never forced you to do anything. At the end of the day, you didn’t have sex, did you? She respected your choice. That doesn’t mean that she’s not allowed to try to negotiate or persuade you. That’s just free speech. Everybody’s going to do that I can’t speak for why you got divorced, that’s between you and her, I’m just speaking about this specific incident
  • 3 weeks ago

    yeah.... like you ever had a girlfriend.............

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