Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

My 21 year old boyfriend is in $95000 in debt, what should I do?

My 21 year old boyfriend of 7 months, i'm 23, recently told me he was "some" debt.

He first told me it was only $2900 that was in debt, then as details arose, I found out that he was forced to co-sign on 3 car loans with his parents (he didnt know what co-signing meant), he SHARES an account with his mom (the mom takes whatever he makes and uses it for bills and her lavish shopping sprees (she put him in 6k in debt), and that he racked up his own debt (approx. 8k).

He asked for my advice and I was in complete shock. I told him in order for me to help, he has to keep his story straight and be upfront. I told him first and foremost he needs to get his own bank account so the mom doesn't use his income to go on lavish shopping sprees. I told him in the nicest way possible that he is dealing with a shopping addict. He was willing to make the changes. He even stood up to his mom over the phone and told her he can't pay her bills anymore and his finances are his finances.

Side note, he will spend the night at my place sometimes and the mom doesn't like that - even though he is providing for a family of 5 and his father does uber part-time and doesnt really provide.

Like any shopping addict, they do whatever to get what they want. His mom cried and he still kept strong- until he came back home.

He spilled the beans to his mom and basically the mom hates me now, my boyfriend isn't going to take my advice and keep the account with his mom. What do I do?!


Should I stay with him? I have mixed emotions

Update 2:

I don't wanna seem shallow, but this is way too much for me. Idk if I could stay with someone like this and have a future.

We were talking about future goals before all this (1-2 years from now) and he said he was down to move out. I told him that what he said basically was a lie and this debt is going to take 5+ years to pay off.

7 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago
    Best Answer

    This sounds like a train wreck for you as well.

    If he is a momma's boy as you've described, he will never mature, and he will not be able to maintain a relationship without his mother's oversight.

    You need a new boyfriend. Get one with a backbone this time

  • 4 weeks ago

    The fact that he was lying to you from the beginning doesn't bode well for any 'future' you two may have together - so you may want to cut and run now, before you end up getting sucked down into his b.s.

    If I were to try to help someone like this, the first step would be to talk to a lawyer. If his parents have actually been coercing him into co-signing loans, taking money from him, etc., it may be possible for him to sue them (at which point he will also need to cut ties with them - more or less permanently).

    He may have no choice at this point but to attempt to declare bankruptcy in order to erase the debt, which will destroy his credit for the foreseeable future (the advantage will be that he won't be tempted to take out any more loans or cards - and he'll be useless as a co-signer).

    If he can extricate himself from the majority of the debt through legal means, he may be able to pay off the remainder himself and prevent having to declare bankruptcy, but he's going to need to learn how to make better choices, and his track record kind of speaks for itself.

  • P
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    He'll always be in debt and his parents will always guilt him into getting more money.  Run fast and far.  He's lied about it once and he will lie again and again.  HUGE red flags.  You have been warned. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    dont sign any paperwork and move on...............quickly

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    My advice is that you do NOT get involved in his family situation, in his financial situation. And that you do NOT get serious about someone with this much drama in his life, someone so utterly stupid about looking out for himself.

    A guy like this might be a lovely boy toy, a pleasant companion for an outing. But this silly twit is NOT someone to let yourself care about deeply. Why buy a headache?

    When a guy asks for your advise on something like this, offer to help him look for information on line or at the library. But don't get personally involved. This is none of your business. You're not his wife and not his mother, so don't make it your business.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Whatever you do, don't marry him. His family will take you down with them and he obviously can't stand up to them. How can a 21 year old even get 95K in credit?

  • Chris
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Get a new boyfriend.

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