Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

If my ex was abusive towards me, is it my fault? Will they treat the next person better?

The treatment I received:

-criticism early on in the relationship of my look, including haircut, the clothes I wore that covered up, parts of body that weren't toned etc

- pushiness and coercion early on to do as I was told, regardless of my feelings 

- cheating/betrayal of trust 

- criticism almost daily once we started living together

-anger if dinner not prepared when he returns home after both of us work all day

- anger towards me over trivial things around the house

-frustration at my circle of friends

- frustration and disappointment by then partner about why I hadn't finished my degree sooner (I am still finishing my university studies)

- during an argument I went to hide in the bathroom and the door was broken in

-general yelling and intimidation 

- put downs 

-anger when he found old photos of an ex and I from years back on my hard drive 

-gaslighting when I tried to explain how certain behaviour was making me feel, effectively devaluing my concerns and casting blame back onto me

I could go on. 

8 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It was certainly your fault to move in with him despite his constant criticism. But you apparently have very low self esteem and lived on some fantastical fantasies at that point. But yes, if you doesn't get into therapy to resolve his emotional issues he likely will treat his next partner the same way.

  • Linda
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    It's not your fault. Most abusive people treat people in subsequent relationships similar. Don't feel guilty. Just be glad he is your ex.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    at first, he will be able to hide but she will probably fall for him like you did and then it will start slowing and work its way to where you are at = either she leaves or has low self esteem and stays

    the only thing you can do at this point is THANK THE LORD you have gotten yourself out of there

  • 2 months ago

    I seriously doubt that your ex is going to treat "the next person" any better at all. In fact,this abusive behavior might just be warming up unless this person seeks immediate help for themselves. Pity the next person he manages to move under a shared roof! Glad you got out.

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  • 2 months ago

    Yes that behaviour is likely to be carried into any relationship he has, because its not you, its him. Would be the same with any woman who has a mind of her own and who challenges his "right" to have total control over her.

  • 2 months ago

    Everyone who has ever had a divorce believes that it is all the fault of their ex. They make up stuff. They imagine stuff. They exaggerate any faults at all.

    What they do or don't do with the "next person" is none of your business whatsoever.

  • 2 months ago

    Maybe your ex was sick and tired of your persistent trolling, we certainly are

  • 2 months ago

    Not you again!!!

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