Fiance putting dog ahead of me. How to approach it. ?
I recentluy proposed to my 6 year fiance. A couple months before proposing she got a puppy (corgi.) and of course we both loved him.
Me and her live seperate, saving for next yest to move in together.
Well recently (last few months) she has been cancelling on me to not leave the puppy alone. His 7 months old now.
Shes cancelled big plans on us for the puppy, and recently she hasn't been wanting to hang out because shes taking care of the puppy. At first i was ok with it, but its been a couple months of it happening now, and she has been spedning more time with the doggy than with me. Am i just being unreasobnlae to ask her to leave the puppy alone for a few hours, or just leave him outdoor (enclosed area with super high fence, 100% privacy.
This is affecting us, we had an argument about it this weekend, and we havent hung out in the last 3 days because she gets offended every time i mention the dog.
I want talk to her about it, but don't want it to end in another fight. It is bothering me and it is messing with our relationship.
What is the best way to approach it?
- zipperLv 64 weeks ago
Good for her! Your being quite small and selfish about this! The puppy should always come first.
- StephenWeinsteinLv 74 weeks ago
Why can't you hang out where the dog is (presumably her place) or somewhere that she can bring the dog with her?
- STEVEN FLv 74 weeks ago
Your EX-fiancee keeps the dog and you reclaim your self esteem.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
You "reluctantly" proposed, meaning you felt obligated. You didn't do it out of love, you did it because you felt you had to. That right there is a HUGE red flag and an indication that if you get married, this will end in divorce.
Dog aside, this is not going to end well. You two can't even reach a compromise on a damn dog, how do you think your marriage will end up?
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- MichaelLv 74 weeks ago
You proposed "reluctantly" and she's choosing time with the dog over time with you. You two need to have a conversation, but one about a whole lot more than the dog. Namely, do BOTH of you really want to spend the rest of your lives with each other? Neither of you seem overly enthusiastic about your relationship at the moment.
You'll want to get this figured out before moving in together. Few things make life more difficult than finding yourself with a lease that lasts longer than a relationship.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
Here is the most important thing I have to say so I'll just start here: If the two of you cannot work together as a team to identify and solve problems in a way that works for both of you, you either aren't compatible or you lack the skills necessary for a successful marriage.
Now here is the rest of my answer: My spouse and I owned dogs for 30 years and a year ago we acquired a horse. Believe me, I understand the time-suckage factor of owning pets.
GF goes to work or school full-time and understands that the puppy needs her attention when she's off. Obviously not 24/7, but she really can't go to work full-time and then go out in the evenings leaving the dog alone - especially outside.
I see no reason why she can't go out on her off days for a few hours as long as the pup gets adequate exercise and attention before and after. I also don't see why you can't see her at her home or go do things together that includes the dog like hiking or going to the park.
You need to think long and hard about whether you're compatible or not. If GF wants to be a homebody and hang out with the pets, then that's not going to work out very well if you want to go out frequently.
She gets offended when you talk about the dog because you're acting like she's doing something wrong. Instead of doing that, frame your words around how you would like to spend more time with her and ask her if she would like the same thing. If yes, then figure out how to make that work. If the two of you do not want the same kind of lifestyle or cannot come to some sort of agreement that works for both of you, perhaps it's time to say goodbye.
- 4 weeks ago
Was getting a dog a joint decision. If so, why did you not discuss this issue? Presume fiancee works. Hard on a dog to be alone all day and then be left weekends/evenings as well. They get terribly lonely, especially when they have no playmates.
Find an activity where the dog can be included. My dog always begs to come with me even if I am only taking out the rubbish.
- TardisAndTheHareLv 74 weeks ago
Tell her: Dog or me.