How much quality time with your spouse is enough?
Is one day per weekend of quality time enough? I am an avid sailor who like to go sailing one day per weekend. My wife and family do not enjoy sailing so don't go. In all fairness I leave very early in the morning sometimes before they even wake up, but I am home by dinner. The other day on the weekend we all go out and do something together as a family. My wife and I also spend about an hour watching TV almost every night during the week. My wife thinks every other weekend would be enough for my hobby and that I should be spending more time with her and our family. Am I being unreasonable?
- CLv 73 weeks agoBest Answer
Yes and no. I have a fairly involved hobby, my partner has another and that suits us both fine. When you invest a lot of money in equipment, training, licences, etc you feel like you need to get your money's worth and you need to do it regularly in order to keep your skill up and maintain your place in the group dynamic. However, if you have kids the dynamic at home becomes different, not least because kids feel time differently. They will remember that dad (could be mom, before people jump down my throat) would rather be away from them when they didn't have to work. Yes, I know it's only one day a week, but kids reckon things differently. Also, it put a load on your wife when she should be sharing parenting during the weekend. A lot of men (sorry, not really sorry this time) seem to treat the children as the wife's hobby equivalent to their hobby, but it isn't! Sure, you guys wanted a family and love your children more than the world, but it IS work. So falling into the sofa for an hour after child-wrangling can feel very much not like quality time, especially if she doesn't have a day a week to devote to an exciting, full-on hobby where her identity isn't just "mom" or "employee." I get why she's a bit resentful. It honestly is a shame they don't like sailing as it would negate the issue but you can't make yourself just love something as full on as that. Would you consider a full weekend a month and in return offer to be the lead parent for a weekend a month for your wife to find something that recharges her in the same way I'm sure sailing does you? Your kids would definitely also remember you as being more present for adventure with them too.
- 2 weeks ago
She should come with you. I would not be content with a day per weekend and an hour per weekday. I'd need more.
- Serene ELv 73 weeks ago
Yes, you are being unreasonable. You're being very selfish, as well.
A marriage is a team, doing things together, for a joint purpose. you being gone every single weekend, deliberaltey away from her, that's crazy.
- LindaLv 53 weeks ago
Since you only have the weekend really to spend with your wife as most people are too busy during the weekdays to spend much time together. I think every other weekend is fair and that way you can devote every other Saturday to your wife where the two of you can get out, get lunch, do what you want and then Sunday as a family.
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- a Guy bein a GuyLv 73 weeks ago
No you are not. If you are a spot on the crew it will be gone if you can't make it every week.
- mmmLv 73 weeks ago
if you live in an area where there is sailing only in the summer months? I'd say it is reasonable - however, if you sail every Saturday all year long? I'd say every other week-end is appropriate
- AJLv 73 weeks ago
Define family? like your children or are you talking about wife's brothers and sisters and parents? If the latter, they are the ones that need to get a life of their own.
If your kids, maybe leave a bit later so they can get up and go with you.
- No MercyLv 73 weeks ago
shehe is the one unreasonable / she could go from time to time sailing with u even if she does not like it that much. u have the right to do the things u like, once a week is not even that much
- KevinLv 43 weeks ago
try a compromise. maybe not go every weekend, but every other one month, and maybe one month go 3 of 4.