Misty
Lv 5
Misty asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 4 weeks ago

Should I ask her to speak to her privately next time I see her and express myself to her how her remarks hurt me? ?

I belong to a writing group of women. We meet once a week. I have been in it maybe 6 weeks. One of the women in group and I decided to meet for lunch. Everything was going great until she started to ask me about my religion. When she saw that I was not her religion, she started to act harsh to me, even rolling her eyes when I said what my religion was. She also said that yoga which I take at the YMCA is a sin. She was just harsh in general when it came to this subject. I steered the conversation away from her espousing her views however the damage was done. I was very hurt and felt belittled. I am sad because superfically I saw her as someone I would like to get to know better which was why I asked her to lunch. But after this, I am too hurt to pursue the friendship further. Do I let her know (not in these words but you get the point) "Hey, I won't be purusing a friendship with you because you really hurt my feelings at lunch and I don't feel I can trust you". Or do you just not pursue the friendship? How can I sit with her at the writing group and hold in the feelings that she really hurt me very much? Do I convey this to her? I would like to but not for the reasons you might think. I don't wish to hurt her or 'get even'. I just dont want to carry this hurt inside as it isn't good for me. How does one handle this kind of thing so they can clear the air but not make an enemy? I do "not" wish to get to know her better after this. So should I just say nothing?

12 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago
    Best Answer

    Yes! Definitely tell her. No-one has any right to tell someone that what they believe in is wrong only because it is different from what they believe. If it is inhumane and wrong (For example harming people, being unkind, etc.) then yes, but not just because their beliefs are different. She shouldn't be doing that and you should tell her that. Definitely don't make her feel attacked, just let her know what she is doing is wrong and you don't like it. Good luck!

    • Jerry
      Lv 6
      4 weeks agoReport

      Why bother? Why all the drama?

  • 3 weeks ago

    No. Just move on and forget about it.

  • Daisy
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    If this really bothers you (and it looks like it does), tell her. She will probably deny it or blow it off as something too small to worry about. I would stay clear of this person. She s toxic. You have a right to worship however you wish, and no yoga is not a sin. It s a form of exercise. How intolerant! Move on from this person. There are plenty of other members in your group who would love to be friends with you.

  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I wouldn't bother. The time to express your feelings was when she was giving you her little speech. You could have nipped it in the bud and said "please stop. Religious beliefs are a personal choice, so lets talk about something else now". Since you've decided to distance yourself from her, that should be enough.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Yes, just say nothing. She really believes that she has the right to criticize someone harshly for not belonging to her particular religion. You don't have to take this hurtful attitude to heart. Let it roll off your back.

    I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she insults other members of your writing group, who won't be shy about insulting her right back. That might make her feel unwelcome in the group. Problem solved.

  • 4 weeks ago

    No. The time to say anything like that was when you were at lunch. Let it go now.

  • 4 weeks ago

    i wouldnt bother talking to her or asking her out to lunch again, she'll get the message

  • `
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Ignore her. If she asks why, then feel free to tell her how you feel. As for meeting with her socially, I doubt this will be a problem. As a side note, never discuss religion period.

    • Jerry
      Lv 6
      4 weeks agoReport

      Agree. If somebody one doesn't know well asks about one's religion, it's a good idea to not answer. "That's a personal matter that I'd rather not discuss. How about them Lakers?"

  • 4 weeks ago

    How do you sit with her at the writing group and hold in the feelings she hurt you? The same way you did before you knew anything about her. Your religion (or hers) will not come up so the issue will not exist. And don't be confused, choosing not to pursue a friendship with her will silently speak volumes, without having a potentially embarrassing confrontation.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You asked how does one handle this. In my opinion, you need to forgive her. Not that you need to tell her anything at all. Forgiveness comes from the heart. You can do that at any time. Once you have truly forgiven her you won't feel hurt anymore. As far as pursuing the relationship that will be a mistake. The woman has a religious spirit. Trying to have a friendship with someone that constantly bases everything off of their beliefs is a losing exercise. Clearly this woman does not possess the spiritual maturity to back up her beliefs. If she did she would not have treated you the way she did. I assume the woman was a Christian. If I'm correct, we as Christians are commanded to treat others with love. I see no evidence of that in her behavior.

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