Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 weeks ago

Should I cut all ties with her ?

So my old “best friend” moved away to be with her new boyfriend who is in the army, she moved to over 4 hour drive away and made new friends and stopped talking to me, I totally get it as it’s life and it’s going to happen as you just don’t see them so you’re bound to grow apart, she never really treated me right always saying she wished she had a group of friends and it would be so much more fun than just having me as her friend, this always made me feel rubbish and knock my confidence like I wasn’t good enough.  

So she messaged me a few months ago saying “you’ll be glad to hear I’m moving back your way” as her partner is getting moved with work again. I’ve hardly spoken to her since and just feel I don’t really like her anymore, she’s really changed and I just don’t think I want to be her friend again.  

She messaged me again just now saying “you’ll be so glad to hear I’m coming back down your way!” It’s really annoyed me making me think she thinks I NEED her and like she’s my only friend so I’m desperate for her to come back, which isn’t the case! I replied saying this  

“??Why would I be glad to know? We haven’t spoken in months... where you are and what you’re doing has no effect on my life whatsoever.”  

Do you think I’ve been rude or in the wrong?  

6 Answers

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  • Linda
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    It was a little rude, but it doesn't sound like you can be friends again. You do not feel like she treated you right and you haven't talked to her in a long time. Also, it sounds like she assumed you'd be happy to know she's moving back and she was planning on hanging out with you like nothing happened. Don't feel too bad and don't let it bother you anymore.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Yeah, I think you have been rude. While you have grown apart and may not be close friends anymore, you also didn't redefine your relationship as enemies. But that is how you addressed her in response to her effort to reach out. You seriously misinterpreted her effort to contact you.

    Before your response your former close friend recognized you weren't close anymore, but still thought you were friends or at the very least, acquaintances. And even if you were just acquaintances, your response would be terribly rude.

    You should cut ties with her until you have moved on from the pain of the loss of your close friendship, the same way you cut ties with a guy who dumps you. There may be a time in the future you can become friends again, but not until you have moved on from your dependence on them.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Yes, as you could’ve simply ignored her if you’re truly over it. There’s no need to stoop to a level like that just because she’d hurt you.

  • 4 weeks ago

    No, what you did was fine..............I had a similar situation.....with a "friend" I had for decades.......but I was the only one making any effort to keep the friendship going. When she totally ignored my wedding invitation.......I was like.............yeah, okay, whatever.........it as overseas and I didn't really expect anyone to come.

    But then when my son was born......and I sent out notifications .....I didn't get so much as a card or email in return. Nothing. No acknowledgement........no, "Oh, how wonderful"! and damn sure no gift for my son.

    That was the last straw.....she clearly wasn't any kind of friend.........but when she WANTED something, I was the first person she called.......to use me.

    a year or two later..........she sends me an email, saying she's ANGRY, with me, because I have haven't written lately.

    (In the meantime, she hadn't Written to me ONCE. )

    I sent her a BLISTERING email back, basically saying the same things you just did.........asking her what WORLD she lived on, where she had any right to be angry with ME, and how I didn't NEED her anger.......and my FRIENDS all acknowledged the Birth of my son.

    She sent back a terse reply to never talk to her again. Yeah, wow......huge loss........since she was never any kind of friend anyway.

    Good riddance.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You sound like you got a bit angry she left, and are now acting childish. If she wants to be in your life, let her, and if she mistreats you, leave.

  • 4 weeks ago

    In the first place, you assumed that was what she was implying. You could be wrong. In all likelyhood you are. And your response was based on that assumption so in my opinion, you were acting out of hurt feelings that are based on possibly wrong assumptions. A friendship is a give and takes relationship. Why your friend said those things about having more friends than just you, I have no idea. But it seems obvious that she still considered you a friend. She was probably very surprised at your harsh response. If you hadn't heard from her in several months, that would mean that you hadn't tried to contact her either. Like I said friendship is give and take. It sounds as though you should have been honest with her and told her how her earlier comments made you feel. Perhaps if you had done so, you wouldn't feel the way you do about her now.

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