Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 10 months ago

Domestic Violence. How much do you blame a victim of domestic violence for staying with their abuser? Percentage wise?

9 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    10 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Most people who stay in abusive relationships do so because they can't afford to leave or they've been threatened with death if they go and can't see a way out. Abusers often steal the incomes of their victims so they can't go start anew. But sprinkled in with most of those there are a few who are just delusional to the point where they either think they deserve this treatment or they hold out hope for a miracle. Still some of those are probably more in need of mental health treatment than anything else. So in general I don't blame the victim, but when people leave and go back a dozen times it does make a lot of people think these victims just bring it on themselves.

  • 10 months ago one deserves to ever get abused

  • Linda
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    It is hard to assign a percentage because there are so many variables. Did she come from an abusive home? Did she know her abuser well before they moved in together? I do not like to place blame without knowing what she or he has been through to make them stay in a violent home.

  • 10 months ago

    Zero. Zero percent. A victim of domestic violence is a VICTIM and theya re not to blame.

    As to why they stay, the reasons are many. Financial contraints and abuse, family ties, children, continuous victimization creating a sense of being helpless and trapped. It can feel very complicated inside that box of abuse and depending on the victims history, they may not be capable of taking steps away from the abuse.

    Looking at it from the outside is very different from looking at it from the inside. From outside, especially when one has not experienced domestic violence or interpersonal abuse in relationships it can look very simple and can be very easy to say “why do they put up with it”.

    From inside, you are trapped in a very complicated box wtih many many barriers to getting out. Many victims have been raised and trained in environments of abuse so it feels “normal” and they don’t know something different even exists. Even when you tell them, explain how it isn’t normal, that there are other ways to live they can’t understand, can’t see it because their whole life has been this “other” and that is their reality.

    And it is entirely unhelpful to tell a victim of abuse that they can just leave their abuser or even to ask them to let you know if they need help. Offer concrete things:

    Can I help you pack and moved when he isn’t there?

    Can I bring people to help move / protect you?

    Can I offer you a room in a safe home?

    Let me drive you to the courts and help you file a restraining order.

    Can I hide you?

    Can I drive you to family where he can’t get to you?

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  • 10 months ago

    Zero! Good attempt at trying to play Devils Advocate to generate lots of answers, lol.

  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Not at all. Why would I? Isn't the victim's situation bad enough without me heaping on blame? 

  • 10 months ago

    zero. i don't blame them.

  • 10 months ago

    I don't feel that blame serves a purpose.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I never had a direct plan to take it this far. It was sort of incremental as time went on and as more people started to take me seriously - I just went along with it. I started to teach myself piano freshman year of college to release stress from engineering school but it wasn’t until my internship in Japan when I really started to understand music production. There, I bought a midi keyboard and produced everyday since I had nothing else to do besides work and travel the country. Writing music there helped me deal with the isolation of being alone in a foreign place. I held onto the habit of working a day job then writing music at night when I returned to the states. It just turned into something I was obsessing over because of the way I think I learned how to write music. Being completely self taught, I felt like I was writing stuff that was genuinely me and there was no way I could stop doing it. Even if nobody listened, I would still be doing this because it helps me.

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