Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

I've started dating a guy a lot younger. I really like him However, there are still some concerns I have about the age gap. I need advice!?

I'm a 45 year old woman starting a relationship with a 27 year old man. (If anyone wants to give the advice for us to stop dating because of the age gap please do not comment. We are going to date. That is not what this question is about). A huge part of me isn't worried about the age gap at all. He's highly mature for his age. I feel we're at a very similar maturity age level. For that reason I don't feel an age gap when I'm around him. I'm crazy about him and I want to date him.

However,I do sometimes worry the age gap may be a concern latter on. I've never dated anyone with this much of an age difference and I am concerned some unique issues may potentially arise latter. There are a few things I've specifically wondered

A)I am concerned we may be in different stages of life. There are a few things that do make me feel better about this concern though. I do feel we're at a similar maturity level/"age". Furthermore, he does have a college degree and a good paying career (it's not like he's in the student stage of life) However, the age difference still may translate into different life experiences. Furthermore, I do have 2 sons (21&22) I do worry how the relationship will affect them and vice versa.

B)One of my main concerns is (if the relationship goes far enough) if he wants to have kids in the future. Right now he's confident he doesn't want kids, but if he changes his mind (which he may not) that will be a major issues.

C) Sex. This may be silly, but(more to read)

Update:

   I am concerned if sex with a younger guy will be very different from having it with a guy my age. We haven't had sex yet, but we will soon (and I want to have sex). What can I do to make sure we have a great sexual relationship even with the age gap?

D) I know I couldn't care about this, but I am a little concerned about the social stigma. 

Update 2:

I know there's going to be a lot of judging/people being weirded out over this I'm not so worried that it makes me want to not have a relationship, but I would like advice on how to handle it best.

Please help me with advice with these questions (and any other bits of advice you may want to give about how to best handle age gap relationships). Thank you so much!

Update 3:

Just to make it clear I for sure want to try to date him, but that doesn't mean I don't have some concerns I'd like advice on. 

5 Answers

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Take the relationship as it come#.

    Should he want children, adoption is still possible.

    Do remember, however, that you will be 75 when he is still below 60.

    If you are prepared to face that, go ahead and enjoy things.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I am 64. My first wife was 3 years younger than me. 2nd was 7 years younger. My current wife of 20+ years is 16 years younger than me. My best friend's wife is 27 years younger than him. Strangely enough, when I was in my 20's I exclusively dated and lived with women in thier late 30's and 40's.

    18 year gap - is bigger than marriage councilors like to see. Me - I firmly believe if you want to keep an old dog happy and young - give it a puppy.

    There are many pluses in this age gap for both of you. For you, the sex will be great - you will need to watch your weight, work out, and stay flexable and open minded. If your sex drive starts to falter and his doesnt - then you will need to consider medical advice to get yours back to peek. A young guy will maintain your home, car, mow the lawn and move your furniture. You will be the envy of other women. My older women would drag me into mens stores and force me out of my usual jeans and into suits. LOL. Once I figured out a suit made carrying a concealed pistol easier - I stoped arguing. We had allot of fun.

    The down side. You are obviously going to have medical issues, bad ones, long before he does. Here you two need to decide about marriage. You get laid up in the hospital for a few days or a week - he can't even pay your phone bill or visit you without being family - married. The two of you will be totally shocked how much simpler your lives together will be once married. And yes, my wife has been mistaken as my daughter, lol.

    Kids. He is 27. That means if you had a child today, he is 43 when they are going to want to start driving and 45 when going into the military or college. Asssuming you dont drop a kid this week, lol, and he considers having them 5-7 years from now - that menas he is just 5 years from collecting social security when they want to drive and have not moved out. No way you want to put up with teenager crap at 65!! You will need to talk this over a bottle or two of wine and get his true feelings out.

    As for your sons. They will always love you - and if this is what makes you happy they willl be happy. On the plus side he is not so far from their age that he can't talk with them about anything that comes up.

    Good luck.

  • Brian
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    At 45 you should realize by now that "when in doubt leave it out" and by posting your question you're quite in doubt... however with that said just go with the flow. If you're both happy so be it. If he wants kids later on you can always adopt! There's plenty of unwanted children brought into this world that need love and affection not to forget guidance in life!

  • 4 weeks ago

    I am in an age gap relationship, so I can understand where you are coming from. I am 13 years older than my girlfriend. First and foremost, the age difference isn't an issue as long as it is not an issue for either of you. That's first. One key to avoiding problems related to your age/life experience difference is to respect what he brings to the table. As the older partner you may be tempted to "guide him" or try to make choices for him. Do not do this, let him make his own choices but offer advice when he asks for it. He may be much younger than you but he still brings his own set of experiences to the table. You both need to treat each other as equals, as long as you do that age wont matter.

    There is no question you are in different stages of your life. But that does not have to be a hinderance. Mainly you need to focus on your health. If your serious about this guy, you need to stay healthy so you can enjoy a long life with him. I stay fit and hit the gym regularly(it is a hobby of mine anyway) I also eat pretty healthy because I want to be around a very long time with my girl. When it comes to other people(including your son's) judging you or being upset by the age difference, tell them simply it is none of their business and you are both very happy. You are going to be judged, period the end. Trust me on this. You just have to ignore it, pay it no mind. What people fail to realize is most relationships are closer in age and most relationships fail anyway, so if being close in age mattered so much why do most relationships(including marriages) fail so often? See what I am saying? It is about the two people involved, not the age of the people involved. People generalize and stereotype, let them be ignorant, you wont change their minds and you don't have to care what they think.

    I was married to someone that was one year younger than me, it was a very bad relationship and marriage. This relationship I am in now is the best one I have ever been in. We just click and we make a damn good team and she is extremely mature and goal oriented ETC. We have the same vision for our lives, as it seems you do with your man. Just take it day by day, age gap relationships are like any other relationship. They just have their own set of special challenges. But also their own special benefits as well, which no one ever acknowledges. Do what makes you happy, screw everyone else.

    When it comes to sex, its really no different than any other sexual relationship. He is younger than you, so he is going to want sex a lot. Be prepared. My girlfriend wants sex all the time as well, just as much as I do. I most likely will slow down before she does, but we have discussed this. Once you get comfortable in your relationship, talk to him about your sex life and keep an open line of communication about it. You will be fine. Good luck to you both.

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  • Mikey
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    "(If anyone wants to give the advice for us to stop dating because of the age gap please do not comment." Then we get: "However,I do sometimes worry the age gap may be a concern latter on" Really?

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