Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

What do you think about this break up?

Yesterday, I broke up with my Brazilian girlfriend of 18 months. There have been times I have genuinely enjoyed her company; I believe she is a sweet, sincere, loyal, and good-hearted person. Early in the relationship, I expressed many concerns regarding our differences in religion and long-term goals in life. I'm an agnostic and I've wanted to travel and become an entrepreneur. She is a devout Christian who wants a family.

I also lost attraction to her (she's 37 and I'm 32), and we bickered about adopting healthier eating habits. She has a very difficult routine (like working/studying 10-12 hours a day and not having a car), so she can't go to the gym. But she could at least eat better, but doesn't seem to want to. What made me lose attraction was the incessant complaining about her weight and lack of initiative.

I am guilty of sending mixed signals. When we first dated, I told her that I wasn't interested in marriage or children, so she needed to move on if that's what she wanted. But in later months, I developed affection for her, so I started saying that we could marry and live together, even saying we could open a joint business. But I would double back and say I still had fears and mixed feelings. When I started looking for rings, I later felt very anxious (severe insomnia, eating far less, drinking excessively, and not exercising). Marriage isn't the right thing for me. But I feel guilty because I've told her that we'd marry, even though I never formally proposed.

2 Answers

  • Amelia
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You did the right thing by breaking up with her. I know a couple of people who were in similar shoes as you. The other person wanted to get married. Earlier on in the relationship, they had agreed they would marry them down the line. Then they felt really uncomfortable about getting married. They also felt bad about letting the other person down. Eventually they just agreed to a quick wedding at town hall. These marriages didn't even last a year, and the people were completely miserable during that time. If you don't want to be married to somebody, that isn't going to change. It is much better to let them down before the wedding than after.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    i think I would care more about a piece of chewing stuck to the pavement on a cold rainy day

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