Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

How to deal with my inlaws?

I'm not sure how to deal with my in laws anymore, particularly my father in law and sister in law. For almost the whole time I've been with my husband, his sister has made rude comments to me (about my weight, saying I'm controlling, etc.). I have never defended myself to her because I've been trying to keep the peace. She also screams at my husband and treats him like crap. When my husband tries to defend himself to her she literally calls their dad and tells on him (He's 26 his sister is 23). Shortly after she does that his dad will call him and tell him off for offending his sister. His dad also insists as well as his sister that he has to talk to her and hangout with her whenever she wants. My husband also got told off by his dad the other week for not taking her to go buy food when she was drunk at 10 pm. She was already at home and we were already in bed. I don't think I can stand to be around them anymore even for holidays because I don't want to deal with being insulted constantly and seeing my husband be told off all the time for not doing exactly what his sister wants. I tried to tell my husband he needs to stick up for himself to his dad but he said he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to cause problems. I don't want to keep avoiding family gatherings and having my husband get in trouble all the time as a grown man but I don't know a good way going about getting her to stop making comments everytime I see her and get my husband to stand up for himself.

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 4 weeks ago

    Don't go over there very much. If you husband wants to summit himself to this, I'm sorry for it--- that's his business. Be super friendly for a few hours 5x's a year and, other than that, Lucky occurrences.

    Please. The last thing your husband needs when he's hanging around a belligerent, bossy, demanding Dad is to have a wife telling him what he ought to do. YOU stand up for yourself. Just don't be rude while you're at it. No reason to. Don't live there. Work a job, have a roof over your head not with the inlaws. Don't go over very often. Be nice when you do.

  • Janet
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    There is NO dealing with them.

    You either have to make changes within yourself, emotionally, so that you can stop getting bothered with them.

    OR you have to stop being around them.

    We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves, and that is difficult but it is at least possible.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You are both adults and need to make adult decisions. If you want to avoid family problems, avoid your family. If they ask, simply tell them (or rather your husband needs to) that you don't see any point in having petty arguments so you won't be seeing them this weekend (or whenever). His sister is also an adult and can do things fore herself: your husband made his marriage vows to you, not his sister.

    People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc.

    Bullies want attention, and my general feelings are that if people allow them to get their way through fear (the ultimate emotional reaction) they are succeeding and will continue. One way to combat verbal bullying is not to ignore them completely as this shows that they are getting to you, but demonstrate that you have heard the remark or whatever with a glance, dismissive wave or brief response ("oh yes", or similar) and THEN ignore them. Why should you care what such a pathetic person thinks of you? (Only weak and needy people feel a need to bully). Alternatively, or in addition, try to use some humour (U.K. spellings!). It need not be mocking humour, but some light-hearted banter can often diffuse situations.

    Put on an imaginary suit of golden armour, and visualise the unkind remarks (or those you perceive to be unkind - be very careful not to imagine a slight when none is intended) as arrows, harmlessly bouncing off your armour and falling to the ground.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Thats the thing... some familys will NEVER get along with their in laws, and others will eventually work things out and be on a good term. If i were you, i would ignore them when they carry on like this, dont fight back and argue and make the situation worse than it already is, even your husband. Be the better ones.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.