Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureReligion & Spirituality · 1 month ago

What are the tenets of the Sacred Church of Fireball?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Best Answer

    There are a great many of them, my friend, and they keep changing. Here is the current comprehensive list.

    Sea gulls cannot read. They all will die.

    Jesus made the world in 6 days.

    God lives 40 billion miles away from earth. He can zap back and forth, and has robes when he needs them, but he doesn't wear sandals much anymore.

    Any mention of the Methodist Church is harassing Fireball.

    Any mention of divorce is harassing Fireball.

    Any mention of astrology is harassing Fireball.

    Elvis was a holy man of God. John Hagee is his beloved prophet.

    The dinosaurs went extinct because they were demon possessed.

    Donating blood is disgusting and vile, and must be avoided at all costs.

    There were no ants on Noah's ark, because God loved Noah.

    Only Christianity is allowed to be discussed in Yahoo! Answers R&S. For any other religion, go to Myths.

    God invented farts so that people would not explode.

    Donating blood is vile and disgusting.

    Donald Trump was appointed by Jesus Christ, who encouraged people to vote at the last minute. This somehow does not invalidate the electoral process or democracy.

    Jesus can fly without cars.

    Aliens and ghosts are really demons.

    Inventing acronyms and using them on Yahoo! Answers is not a violation of the rules.

    Anyone can reach these conclusions by reading a scholars Bible and watching the Rapture video on YouTube.

    Having a favorite race is not racist.

    Homosexuals should not get married. They also shouldn't have sex outside of marriage.

    It is a great sin to quote Fireball, even when she has made a public statement.

    It is a great sin to mention the fact that Fireball has been divorced. it is an even greater sin to mention that she convinced her current husband to divorce his first wife and marry her instead.

    Fireball will be married to Jesus one day.

    Balaam's donkey spoke to him because Satan spoke through her.

    Osama bin Laden was the 44th President of the United States.

    The devil controls the weather.

    IRA stands for National Rifle Association.

    Christians didn't want Obama, so they voted for Bush.

    The word soul is another word for the body

    Unlike other denominations of Christianity, the Church of Fireball allows astrology to be practiced, as it is about personality.

    Questioning the validity of the trinity is a mortal sin. GOD IS THREE IN ONE!

    Whenever someone questions a passage in the Bible, even if it is a passage everyone knows, always demand citations. See the holy commandment about scholars Bibles.

    If any outsider calls attention to these rules, they are always wrong, and they are invading Fireball's privacy.

  • 1 month ago

    TIRH, GUS, STR, DBD.... AMEN

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