Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

neither of us are having affairs.. have 2 beautiful kids.. but trapped in a loveless marriage?

neither of us are having affairs.. have 2 beautiful kids.. but trapped in a loveless marriage.. we both snap at each other for the slightest thing.. and it always takes a turn to the worst and things that I regret are said. its like we have lost it and hanging around until the kids are grown up and move out.. feel like killing myself

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    One is never "trapped". It just comes down to how much damage you're willing to do to yourself and others in your quest for something better. Try some marriage counseling to learn to communicate without snapping and then once you're capable of constructive conversation start talking about whether it makes sense to stay together.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You can't wait until the kids are grown up just to get a divorce, because by that point, you might as well just have killed yourselves instead. A friend of mine waited till his kids went to university, miserable for 18+ years of his life during the whole time.

  • 1 month ago

    So work on either fixing things or on getting out. Because you two are fooling yourselves if you think living like that is doing your children any good. They can feel the dissatisfaction from you and the tension in the air too, even if they don't have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling.

    So seek some professional counseling. That might help clarify if this can be fixed or if things could be better living apart.

  • 1 month ago

    Uh.......you guys need to talk. if you are so unhappy you are serious about killing yourself, something needs to change.

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  • 1 month ago

    Yeah, that's the reality of 99% of marriages. She stopped giving you free sex, and you stopped feeling loved. You were able to keep it up for a few years, but now you are just bitter. She has felt loved, but you have not.

  • 1 month ago

    Then fix it. If you are staying in your marriage then the two of you work at fixing your marriage. Sometimes people really love each other but have forgotten how. It honestly seems doubtful that you'd be nitpicking and snapping and arguing frequently unless disappointment over a dream unfulfilled was going on. Which leads me to wonder what is being emotionally offered to your children. Two parents who have shut down rarely are feeding their children the emotional strength they need learn to generate for themselves.

    Please hear this.. some divorces are horrible, some are boring.... but when the ex's start dating others, their new partners are often really nervous and scared about the ex's because people who once loved one another? Can fall in love with each other again.

    Your household needs help. Since you aren't divorcing.. get help! Happiness does not always come from action... but, without action, there will be no happiness. Can you remember ever loving your wife? Get counseling. Just do it! Get counseling.

  • RP
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If both of you feel this way and wish to improve the situation, counseling may have a chance to help. If not, but you are both determined to wait until the kids are grown, prepare for the situation to continue to degenerate.

  • Z
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    You could consider trying marriage counseling, if there's a chance of salvaging the marriage you will know and they will help you work through it. And if there isn't, the couple will be advised on this as well. Either way, you'll get your answer and be a happy man again.

  • Dv8s
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Don't hang on to a loveless relationship for the children's sake, they can sense your tension, and it isn't a good environment for anyone involved. The best thing you can do is free yourself, and the children, and start the long process of healing. You aren't doing any favors for your children by staying in a miserable environment.

  • 1 month ago

    Most marriages are loveless marriages. At least in terms of parent to parent. Marriage isn't a fairy tale in the real world. It might be a bit like that at the start but human beings never were naturally supposed to stay together. All it is in reality is sacrifice and dedication for the sake of the children. This connects to the idea that children help a marriage continue. Or perhaps simply getting a pet to look after can help it continue. At the end of the day either one or the other or both parents will get bored with each other but find themselves stuck together due to other obligations and priorities. This why people need to think before getting married and having children. Put more bluntly when you find yourself with children, what you want doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is the children. Even after they've grown up and moved on to live their own lives you "wanting to kill yourself" isn't the right way to go. At the end of the day you matter a lot to your children. (Even if they don't openly express it and most children wont express it.)

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