Yes or no...this is a good outline for my story (drama/ mystery)?

The Set Up: Latrell Jones is 24 years old. He was laid off from a department store and wanted to go to school while he work his night job. His father disapprove and suggested he find another 2nd job. He works in a school cafeteria.

First Turning Point: The cafeteria manager's money has been stolen from her desk. Someone has put it in Latrells coat pocket.

New situation: He is now looked at as a theif and can't be trusted by manager.

Change of plans: He decides to find out who set him up

Progress: He finds out who it is and he takes pics of her doing dirt

The point of no return: He now becomes angry and vengeful

Complications and higher stakes: He fights the battle and tries to get her back as he loses

The major setback: He gets wrote up

The final push: He continues to catch her and finally got her in trouble

The Climax: She confronts him, they get into it. She pulls out a knife and places it against his neck. The police barge in the kitchen and arrest her. She is an escape serial killer.

The Aftermath: Latrell quits and goes to college.

3 Answers

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  • Andrew
    Lv 7
    3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's absolutely wonderful.

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    • Cogito
      Lv 7
      3 months agoReport

      I know you've blocked me, Bobby, but please - learn English first!  And read.  Read lots of good books.  

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  • Marli
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    He has pictures of his co-worker "doing dirt". Why didn't he use them to expose her? (BTW What exactly was she doing?)

    The cafeteria manager's money was found in Latrell's coat pocket. Why wasn't Latrell arrested? (How could anyone tell that the money in his pocket was the stolen money?)

    How does he "fight the battle" of his vengeance. The story is vague there. He is not arrested. He is not fired.

    The police arrive when she attempts to kill him. There is no forshadowing that anyone has been killed nor that she has been investigated as a suspect in serial murders. (She works as a public employee where children study. Why didn't the school board check her background?)

    Latrell's record has not been cleaned by this arrest. There is the accusation and evidence of stolen money in his possession, and the other matters "written up" against him.

    He is 24. An adult. He does not need his father's permission to attend college and can apply for a student loan for tuition. Why then didn't he?

    • Bobby3 months agoReport

      I see what you mean. Thanks for pointing those out. Can you answer my dj story outline? I want to know your thoughts on that as well.

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    As long as you don't have any thoughts of actually publishing it, go right ahead and entertain yourself any way you want to outline it.

    [note the sound of retching and vomiting in the background)

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