How to deal with a narcissistic mom?7?
I'm 16 and I obviously can't move out of the house and ignore my mother. Everything I say to her " I'm disrespectful " and everything I do is " you're a bad child " and I'm far from that. She doesn't lete do anything because " I said so " any tips?
- ZLv 59 months agoFavorite Answer
Your mum may not be a narcissist, I think she's just having a hard time accepting that you have grown up, she still talks to you like you're a small child. Parents can be like that sometimes, they find it difficult to adjust their parenting skills as their kids grow up. Now that you're a teenager, your mum should begin to relate to you as she does with mature people. One of the reason teenagers rebel is because their parents can't seem to stop treating them like children and trying to control them. Parenting must come to an end, and the right time for this is when your kids become teenagers - by then, they should have imbibed whatever morals and discipline that you taught them as children. Teenage years is not the time to try to control your kids or teach them new morality. It's impossible and it just won't work. Parents who are able to acknowledge that their kids have grown up and are becoming their own individuals are the ones who speak to their teenage kids with respect and allow them some degree of freedom to be themselves. These are the kind of parents who have a better chance of having a successful relationship with their teenage children. But those parents who continue to be controlling and try to manipulate their children's behaviour by saying things to make them feel guilty are the ones who will have a harder time dealing with their teenage children.
The advice that I can give you on how to deal with your mother is to help her achieve awareness that her behaviour towards you is no longer age appropriate for you. Telling you that "you're a bad girl" might have worked when you were 6 or 8 years old, but it will not work on you now as a teenager (as she can already see). Because you already know who you are and your self-image no longer depends on her opinion of you. As far as you're mum is concerned, the way she's treating you now worked well for her in the past when she wanted to make you behave, but now the old method doesn't work any more. But instead of accepting this and adjusting her behaviour, your mum is still stuck in her old pattern and has failed to see how you have changed and are growing into an adult. So, it might be helpful to let her know that her scolding doesn't work anymore, and that if she wants to have a meaningful and respectful relationship with you she needs to try a different approach - one which involves respectful communication, mutual respect, and the consideration of your own wants and needs. She needs to begin to learn how to relate with you as another individual, and not as a child. This will be better for your future mother-daughter relationship.
- nevin0020Lv 59 months ago
Just ignore her.
- PearlLv 79 months ago
not much you can do unless shes being abusive and then you can call cps