Yes, that is a bad coping mechanism, however, it's an understandable one. If you act as though you have no feelings in regard to other people, people cannot hurt those feelings, because they don't exist. However, that is a defense mechanism, not your personality. Likely part of the reason you feel so lonely is because the method you used to protect your feelings in high school has become an ingrained, habitual way of acting around other people, meaning you don't show your 'true self' to other people. In high school, everyone goes through a stage where they don't know quite who they are, which is awkward for everyone. Some people manage to never go through an 'awkward stage' because they take out their awkward feelings on other people. I'm guessing, if you think you have an odd personality, that you were bullied at some point, or did not get along with your peers, leading you to develop the defence that you have. But the people who are often percieved as being 'odd' in high school are really just people who already had a more developed personality than their peers, who are at that point all acting like each other because they don't yet know who they are. Did acting coldly actually benefit you? In my experience acting unemotionally in high school actually leads other people to view you as less, not more. It's certainly not a good way to be happy for most people. Obviously you aren't happy how you are at the moment. I'd suggest you focus on building up confidence to let these defences drop. What are your core issues (ie the thoughts, beliefs, etc which are causing you to act how you do)? Do you not trust people, or have low self-esteem? A good way to change how you behave and become more confortable with yourself is by meeting new people in an informing capacity, such as by volunteering. This way, they won't be prospective friends you are speaking to, but you will gain confidence in interacting with others and learning in what situations and by behaving in which ways you feel most comfortable. It might also benefit you to make new friends, as behaviour patterns with existing ones are hard to change and may reinforce the pattern of behaviour you want to change. You could also consider seeing a psychologist- you say you are depressed, in which case you definately should, and would likely benefit greatly from. It will take time to become more comfortable with yourself and others and to get used to being more open, and getting professional help could speed up that process.