Is this a bad coping mechanism?

ever since my teen years due my odd personality I've faked being the cold, materialistic, career-oriented greedy for money and stuff of that kind. I would go on to tell people that love and relationships wouldn't interest me, allegedly.that my education and and future profession are all that matters, and... show more ever since my teen years due my odd personality I've faked being the cold, materialistic, career-oriented greedy for money and stuff of that kind. I would go on to tell people that love and relationships wouldn't interest me, allegedly.that my education and and future profession are all that matters, and that money is the only significant thing spending and dedicating time to and learning how one should earn it.
in fact, deep down inside I've always wanted to find love and someone special but was too afraid to show my inner weaknesses. even after graduation and perhaps getting a good paying job there will be nothing to quench my loneliness and fill the void..
I can't keep up with the cold and arrogant dude attotude anymore I'm severely depressed.
what did I do wrong in a past life to have such poor social skills.
I miss the happy days of my childhood in which I had many great friends..
my true goal in life isn't merely to pursue my career but to also find someone whom I can relate to and be comfortable with..
I only acted that way because well..it was the high school teen survival time and I would rather be seen as a cold hearted monster rather than a sore loser.
is it too late to change my personality now
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