jman asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

How to help girlfriend with depression?

So my girlfriend suffers from clinical depression due to her being in an abusive household and then homeless for a while. She's 23 now and lives on her own. But people always ask her about her family and why she doesn't live with them. This triggers her because she sees all these people with "perfect" families. Her depression kicks in when this is brought up and she comes to me to talk about it but I don't know what to say. I always think logical but being logical to a depressed person makes everything worse for them. She starts hysterically crying and yelling at me and calling me useless when I say things like you're an adult it doesn't matter what others think. What can I say to her when she comes to me to talk about her family?

24 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    you cant help, only she can find her way through this. I know you feel like its your responsibility, but there really is nothing you can do. if you want to, you could just hang around being a frind blah blah, but this will just drag you down, before long you will have depression too. Obviously she needs a doctor, but doctors are people, and good people (Doctors) are fricking hard to find. Chances are this aint going to end well for anyone

  • 2 months ago

    The best help that you can give her is to introduce her to the Lord Jesus Christ. It is God who changes hearts and minds and gives us the boldness we need to endure troubled times.

  • 2 months ago

    You have to take care of him and support him. If any people in depression then the most effective medicine for him is to get support from nearest people .

  • 2 months ago

    She needs to see a doctor not be analyzed over the internet.

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  • 2 months ago

    Abusive household, transitory homelessness, etc. suggests more than just clinical depression. Trauma like that changes the way the brain functions even years, decades after the events. Google PTSD, BPD, etc. Her brain would be ‘firing’ differently, it’s emotional areas more active, like the “fight, flight or freeze” (autonomic?) areas. High cortisol, etc. She’s “fighting” you when you react to her logically, because neurologically she’s now ‘wired’ to. Abandonment fears play a part as well. She needs emotional soothing, not logic/rationality at such times. The frontal area of the brain which controls logical, rational, measured thought, gets bypassed with her. She’s in great emotional pain. I don’t know what her insurance is, if any. I don’t recommend medication at all; can make things worse. Trauma-related therapies like EMDR, DBT, neurofeedback, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, etc. might help.

  • 2 months ago

    She needs a reality check. What she sees in other families is what she WANTS to see. Every family has some drama. Some more than others as some just have drama where as other families are down right dysfunctional.

    Howsoever, once we grow up, we have the tools available to us to use and proceed with a happy life. The "tools" your girlfriend lacks is coping skills. She is unable to cope with her emotions.

    Your girlfriend needs help. There is a type of therapy that works very well to help people cope with life, rather than turn to destructive behavior. It is called DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy. This therapy has a different approach than typical therapy sessions. Typically, a therapy session bleeds out every hurt and disappointment in one's life as they are forced to relive the horrible things of their past. With this DBT treatment, no past issues are dredged up. Rather, one is taught how to deal with today and the future and learn how to cope with life without blaming everything that is wrong on the past.

    I am sorry to say, YOU cannot help your girlfriend, she HAS TO WANT IT FOR HERSELF. Because if she does it for anyone other than herself, it is never going to work and will backfire because she is not in the frame of mind to honestly help herself. SHE needs to WANT to get better AND do the WORK.

    Otherwise, she is guaranteed to follow the steps of the dysfunctional lifestyle that is crippling her psyche, as it will be her life and her eventual reality.

    Sometimes depressed people turn to alcohol to self medicate to escape their badgering busy mind. If she is not drinking now, she may turn to it or perhaps begin taking non-prescribed medications (legal or illegal). I am not saying this to scare you, but unless she deals with her emotions, she is a likely candidate to abuse alcohol and or drugs. Then, there is a whole new set of dysfunctional problems..

    Now, about depression: Depression, clinical depression, can be managed with medication. A true clinically depressed person will not get well simply by being around happy people who are trying to cheer them up. Clinical depression is an imbalance in the brain and does not go away with happy surroundings.

    Being sad and upset about something is totally different than clinical depression. So, I am unsure what your girlfriend is going through, but you are not qualified to help her as she needs to see a psychiatrist because a psychiatrist can write an RX for anti depressant medication for those who are clinically depressed and the DBT will help her cope with her emotions.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Learn to accept that she hates you.

    Source(s): She hates the f**k outta you! Deal with it or keep being a coward and continue to secretly suck other mens' c0cks without telling her.
  • 2 months ago

    This is perplexing to me, because i've known a lot of people in their early 20's who live on their own and i did then too. NO ONE ever asked me why i lived on my own... why would they? I think you made this up. Unless you live in Nosy-Town.

    And honestly, you can't fix your girlfriend or anyone else. The only person you can fix is YOU. This goes for your girlfriend, too. So if she is having meltdowns, she needs to figure out how to come to some recovery.

  • Marc
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It is not your job or your role in the relationship to be her mental health counselor. SHe needs someone who is trained and can give her tools to cope. All you can and should do is listen and support her with loving words. The role of 2 people in a relationship is to be full and and bring love to the relationship. If someone isnt full the they cant be loving, therefore they are taking from the relationship and in a behavior. She comes to you with all this bad stuff and is a victim to it and then you commiserate with her...or join in misery and that is not is actually destructive. Your role and hers is to be lover and playment...not patient and counselor. I know this sounds cold and counterintuitive but I have been here and done doesnt work.

    All you can do is listen to her. Dont try to fix it. Dont give feedback unless asked for.

  • Teal
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It isn't healthy for her to make you in to her therapist or for her to continue to wallow in her depressive thoughts. It is also wrong of her to get angry at you for not telling her exactly what she wants to hear. These problems are above your paygrade. She needs to take responsibility for her own feelings and make healthy choices. That means getting professional help and processing her trauma. If she won't do this, then you need to reconsider the relationship. You can't fix her, she is the only one who can decide when she is ready to unpack her baggage.

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