Sounds like you do need to get yourself into institutionalized care, so why resist it? Before it's forced upon you, voluntarily go in, get the treatment you need, and get the rest of your life sorted with the assistance of professionals. You likely can't solve all of this drama by yourself. And blaming the rest of the world is not going to work - there are things you can control, but it's going to take some time to build that up, and a totally different attitude on your part. Otherwise, as is commonly the case, this does tend to end with you on the street. So avoid that outcome by being proactive about this - and the first step is admitting yourself to more intensive care, so that slowly you can adapt to medication and make plans with caregivers to slowly get your life in order.