I don't know my native language that well? (Long story)?

I never felt that I beloned to the country I was born and grew up in. I was born to immigrant parents and have delt with racial slurs and abuse since I was a kid from strangers. I'm still treated like that now. At work security and other workers always stop me because they think I don't "look"... show more I never felt that I beloned to the country I was born and grew up in. I was born to immigrant parents and have delt with racial slurs and abuse since I was a kid from strangers. I'm still treated like that now. At work security and other workers always stop me because they think I don't "look" like I work there, I'm constantly humiliated by others and reminded that I don't belong. Anyway, that's why from a young age I've distanced myself from my native language and culture. As soon as I got home I would only watch, listen and read in English. I only spoke that other language at school. My vocabulary is vast in English and I'mat ease with it in every aspect. I also studied Arabic in my free time at 13 and studied French. But my vocabulary in my native is basic. I don't read literature (exept in school, which I didn't really take any interest in) nor listen or watch anything in that language. When I speak it I sound no different than other common native speakers but I feel insecure about it. I want to go to university but it would be weird since everyone will be able to understand complex texts and know a vast amount of vocabulary and write competently with no grammatical errors. I will stand out like the ugly duckling that I am. I don't know how to fix this in the last moment. How do I learn to talk and write like a high brow cultured person of my native language when I hate the culture and people so much for shunning me?
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