Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 months ago

My fiancé hates my family, I feel like piggy in the middle and I don t know what to do.?

My fiancé hates my family. He is nice when he s around them but he openly shares his feelings with me and makes me feel guilty when he has to spend time with them. We only ever see them very rarely. This year, he doesn t want Christmas with them and that my family won t understand why. I, personally feel it is a time for family but I am going to be split.

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  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    This would be a deal-breaker for me. I can't imagine marrying a man who hates my family like that. And if he hates them so much, why would he want to marry you? After all families are part of the package.

    Unless of course it's not about hating your family. Unless it's about isolating you. You say you don't often see your family, and that he makes you feel guilty about 'having to' see your family. Are those two things connected? Are you seeing less of your family because of this? I'd expect so, given the Christmas situation. And in the mean time he's complaining about your family. 

    Be very careful here. Isolating their victim from family and friends is often an abuser's first step. It's part of making the victim feel like she has nobody she can turn to for help, nowhere to run. Making her feel like he is the only one who 'cares' about her at all. 

    Tell him you're visiting your parents for Christmas. He's welcome to come along. Or he can stay home. Either way, you're visiting your parents for Christmas

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    You'd obviously be foolish to marry this guy until such time as he can grow up and use his big boy words to express his issues and then be mature enough to work things out with the people who raised the person he apparently hopes to spend the rest of his life with. But your lexicon and syntax make me believe you're quite young yourself. So perhaps if you postpone the wedding for a few years you and this guy will develop fully to where you can actually sit down and talk to your family about this rift.

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  • 10 months ago

    And what are his reasons to hate your family? We are not getting the full picture here.

    He can choose not to attend family gatherings with you, but obviously that's something you have to talk between you two.

    You can talk to her about how he talking bad about your family makes you sad. Even if your family is horrendous is not his place to badmouth them.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    maybe you shouldnt marry him then

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  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    It's really hard to answer this without knowing WHY he hates them. He could be a controlling jerk who's on a power trip going after your fam, when they are always polite and welcoming to him. Or...your family might treat him like crap and he has every reason to want to avoid them.

    I also agree with "y" that it might matter how close you are to them.

    You'll get better answers if you clarify this stuff. You can comment on our answers or go in through your profile and add updates.

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  • 10 months ago

    Dump him. He would be a lousy husband.

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  • y
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    What was you reltaionship with your family prior to this man? The Christmas/holiday split thing, is a common thorn.

    If you had a decent reltionship with your family, then this is part of how one controls another. Poisoning and distancing one from their family.

    If you already had a difficult reltionship with your family, he may have taken his cue from you, and is just a reflection of what your true feelings are.

    • Suzy Q
      Lv 7
      10 months agoReport

      Abusers often pick someone who already has a difficult and distant relationship with their family. That's easier. 

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