I can’t make any friends?
I’m a freshman in high school and I haven’t been to public school since kindergarten and I am now attending a public high school. I was diagnosed with asbergers at age three and my mom is dwelling on the fact that I have social issues that I can’t accept. I have followed all the advice I have been given; I have joined clubs and I am working harder in acrobatics at my dance studio so I can secure a spot one the cheer team next year. I haven’t met anyone that I can relate to. Everyone knows each other already because they all went to the public middle school. I feel more and more lonely each day that passes and I just want some friends. Please advise.
- Coach SimonLv 72 months agoBest Answer
To be liked, generally, it helps to be more interestED than interestING. Listening is good for making friends: ask people questions about themselves and their opinions and listen to them without interruption, except for little comments that demonstrate that you're REALLY listening. It shows you are taking them seriously, as in respect and acceptance. Don't sit there thinking about what you will say, because that shows more interest in yourself than them. Little pauses demonstrate that you are thinking about what they have said anyway. You can ask them how they felt about what they have just told you, or other specific questions to show you have been listening and taking them seriously. Be open minded and try not to disagree with people. For example, if they like a band you hate, ask what it is they like about them, best track, etc. (avoid the word, “why” as it can sound challenging). You can always say you don't listen to them much but you will now or something. Asking for advice is also good. Genuinely, of course, & don't overdo it. Ditto information – we feel pleased to tell someone something interesting they did not know, such as what’s on in town, latest sports score, etc., so by showing interest in their opinion, knowledge, etc. you’ll get some good feelings from them. Smiling is a good sign of acceptance. A lot of eye contact can also be good. Remember, if you want to have a friend, you have to BE a friend, and the best way to impress someone is to be impressed by them! One thing you can do is always to ensure you have a straight back: sit, stand and walk tall (hips forward) and take reasonably long, confident strides when you walk: this has the “reverse psychology” effect of helping us to feel more confident. Once we have self respect and a sense of self worth, we tend to find that other people respect us more too.
- Lisa MLv 42 months ago
Well, we can both agree that your mother going on about the symptoms of asperger didn't really help you with your confidence in making friends. What your parents tell you can have major affects on you later in life. I still suffer from the non-sense my mother projected onto me.
Anyway, it seems you're doing the right thing by joining clubs. But you might want to try a club that's easier to get into as well as the acrobat club. Do you have a cultural club you can join? What about support groups for other aspergers? That might help. You can also see a school counsellor or go see your GP for help.
I was just lamenting yesterday about how people leave me out of things. I have no idea why. I am re-reading Emotional Intelligence by Danial Goleman and will read his Social Intelligence book also.
You are not alone. Even in the most socially connected times it seems people are the loneliest.