My was friend's father abusive?
Long ago when she was 8, she came home crying that a boy on the playground (and bully) her age slapped her and pushed her to the ground hard. Her father was drunk and upset. He said that next time she comes home crying and doesn't fight back, he's going to paddle her himself. His words were ''get him now, punch, beat him or I'll paddle you for being weak''.
The next time she did beat the boy though. Crying and asking for help was seen as weakness in the household. Wasn't that still abusive?