How do I know if I am depressed?
I know people always say this to sound interesting and as a cry for attention but I haven’t felt anything in so long and I hate it. Someone nearly hits my car on the way to college and my heart rate barely even increases. My parents get mad at me about something and even when my body tries to cry I don’t get that feeling sadness gives you in the pit of your stomach. Now to be fair I hate the feeling crying gives me. It makes me feel disgusted with myself so I tended to fight to hold back tears even in private(I know it sounds stupid). I don’t do anything I used to do anymore. I don’t read, I pick up a game and play it for a few days and then drop it and say I will pick it up eventually. I find it impossible to sleep though I feel like there is something i am always forgetting to do. Then when I finally sleep it’s for way to long and wake up tired.
I never leave my room except to go to school and my new job so it’s dirty and I am afraid to bring things down because I know my parents will say something about it.
I moved back home from my other college dorm since I stopped eating there and even though they wanted me to move back my parents brought up the fact that I “ran away” from my last college since I couldn’t handle it.
I know suicidal thoughts are a symptom of servere depression and I have had them but I know I could never do that to my family.