Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 10 months ago

How do you tell someone that they’re being too assertive?

I have this friend who has trouble saying what she wants and speaking up for herself. However, when she does speak up for herself or says what she wants, it comes out very snappy, bossy and/or rude. I don’t think she realizes her tone when she’s speaking to people, and I don’t know how to tell her. For example, we had a meeting and the president of our group was talking and he made a joke, then my friend said, “can we not do this right now. Let’s stick to what we need to discuss.” I understand my friend’s concern about going off topic, however, it’s ok to make a joke once in a while. The above is just one example, but I don’t know how to talk to her about this, but what I do know is that I NEED to talk to her, because I personally don’t like her tone either when she talks to me.

2 Answers

  • 10 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    So tell her what you've written. Start the conversation with a friendly overture, like you "you often have good ideas or things to say, but they come out offensive and rude to the listener". Then tell her some examples and ask her to think more before opening her mouth. Hopefully she does, if not, and she annoys you, you just put her into the acquaintance category and no longer hang out with her.

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  • 10 months ago

    You don't NEED to talk to her. If she said something to another person, and they didn't like it, then that other person needs to address it with her, not you.

    If she's too bossy or whatever when she talks to you, then you have the right to tell her about it and that she's crossing your boundaries.

    Not sure why you think you can fix someone else... and she might not think she's broken. This is the interesting thing about life, we are all different.

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