Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 2 months ago

Do you think it's right to tell a 4 year old to punch another child back if they hit them?

So my friends daughter has behavior problems ( adhd and on autistic and possibly other issues ) so her daughter is almost 6 years old and has had play incidents where she will hit or scratch the other kids. We both agree it's a bad thing and she disciplined her and ended the playdate etc. So the childs( the one who got hurt) mom told her daughter , if Jenna slaps or hits you, you punch her in the face. We were both appalled...now , I understand my friends daughter needs to have consequences and needs help, but to tell a 4 year old to punch another 5 yr old is crazy, right? Or am I wrong? If they were older, like in their teens , and if the girl was a bully and constantly beat her up at school, I could understand for the girl , victim , for wanting to stand up for herself and self defense ..what do you think..

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Best Answer

    On the one hand, I don't agree with idea of teaching children that hitting is the go to strategy for handing aggression or even violence from others. On the other hand, that this friend's daughter has behavior problems, including hitting and scratching other children. And it seems unreasonable to expect a that young child under such an attack would not retaliate in kind. This is hardly a definitive answer, but it sounds like the friend's daughter needs the time in closely supervised play that she needs to develop better impulse control -- or perhaps shouldn't play with other young children and put them into that impossible "She can hit me but I can't hit her" situation.

  • 2 months ago

    I do not agree with anyone punching another child its wrong so no.

  • 2 months ago

    It’s wrong to tell your toddler to punch other toddler back just because he or she hurt them. All you have to do is teach your toddler to be kind to everyone and not to respond to any negativity. If any toddler punch or hit them just report that to school staff or day car staff not to do it. My daughter is very polite she’s a victim most of the time when it comes to fight with kids who are her age she don’t touch them back. She knows hitting and being rude are not good thing. So my advice for you is teach your toddler to love ones another don’t teach them to hate once they learn bad way they will never respect you either trust me hope all is well with her or him

    • Charlie2 months agoReport

      Yeah hitting is wrong but defending yourself is not.

  • Logan
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    Nah, if you get them in the habit of fighting back now they won't be such pushovers to begin with. The girl may learn from getting hit back that she does't like it so why would anyone else.

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  • 2 months ago

    No give them a rock and let em go at it

  • 2 months ago

    If the child hit them then no, it's not wrong because that's self defense and besides that the other kid hit them first. For example there was this one incident where I was in daycare and a boy was physically messing with me. For example from what my dad told me he was pulling my hair and stuff and so I took a chair and whacked him on the head with it. As for the mother whose child had been hurt well punching the other kid in the face is a bit extreme but if your friends daughter attacked this woman's kid, then her kid has every right to defend herself.

    • Charlie2 months agoReport

      At Jessica, I didn't pick up the chair and throw it at him. I whacked him on the head with it because he was pulling my hair. Besides that I was like 4 at the time and kids at that age don't know any better. At Sara yeah hurting people is wrong but it's ok to defend yourself when someone attacks you

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Self defense is preventing someone from hitting you, it is not to hit another person. Especially in children

    • Charlie2 months agoReport

      Yeah self defense is protecting yourself but it also means ending a fight when someone attacks you. Jenna attacked the other girl first so of course she has a right to fight back.

  • helene
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I think you're wrong.

    "If they were older, like in their teens , and if the girl was a bully"

    The girl IS a bully NOW. You seem to think the four-year-old should put up with being hit and scratched for another ten years before she's entitled to fight back. As far as I'm concerned, Jenna needs to know how it feels. Think of it as a well-deserved consequence.

    Yes, absolutely tell the 4-year-old she can hit back if someone attacks her first. It doesn't matter who is abusing her, she doesn't have to sit there and take it.

    • Suzy Q
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      You do know there is a difference between someone disagreeing with you and them not comprehending anything?

  • 2 months ago

    I agree with Jerry. It's a difficult situation, specially when the aggressor has special needs. I'm not condoning physical fights between kids or anyone, but if someone comes and hits you or bites you as an adult you're going to retaliate: if you know this person has special needs then you wouldn't associate with them anymore, but if this person doesn't have special needs and is just being a jerk you defend yourself. I'm all up for kids defending themselves, as long as they don't initiate the fight and have been physically harmed first and do the same that was done to them. Don't hit first, let words slide, but do retaliate to being hit. Kids need to know how to defend themselves. In this case, don't let this child play with other kids until she understands why. I have a special needs cousin who is older and huge; when we were kids he used to hit us on purpose knowing we couldn't do anything because "he's special". He had no friends and we were forced to play with him. That wasn't fair

  • 2 months ago

    To teach revenge,,BAD, very very bad.. to teach to stand ground and defend ones self, good.

    Like training a puppy, you train out bad behaviors and reward with good behaviors.

    Sooner or later,,they learn.

    Being submissive,,one gets bullied,,being passive but standing your ground is that sweet spot in the middle.

    You wouldn't want to train that puppy to be offensive, that only leads to bad.

    • Sara2 months agoReport

      Always teach your kids to be kind to everyone never teach them to be bully

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It's wrong ,unacceptable and bad parenting.

    • Sara2 months agoReport

      I teach my daughter to be good not bully my daughter goes through bully in school kids keep on picking on her. She’s very kind and smart for her age she mature her head is beyond her age. She’s 6 but act like 9 she has a lots of friends at school she’s friendly. Not shy talk active

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