Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 months ago

controllint stepdad?

I am 55 and moved in with my mum after my marriage breaking up. My mums partner of 30 years (they are not married) is very controlling. the house has been neglected no wqallpaper on the walls, the kitchen is filthy. i have offered to pay for a new kitchen and to redecorate he says no. No-one does anything in this house but me. My mum is 86 he is 70. He tries to controll me he wants to do my washing I said no, he accused me of breaking the washer and then overloading it. He checks what i put in the bins and critisises. i am having to stay at my friends house as a postal address because he wont let me pay my council tax, so I have to spend £300 per month travelling to stay at a friends house. Council tax are aware. i am waiting to move out and I have a cat so difficult to rent pretty fed up with the behaviour. he will not clean, never cleans the cooker, I cleaned it last week and I had a temper tantrum, any ideas on how to handle this please?

5 Answers

  • C
    Lv 7
    3 months ago
    Best Answer

    Now that you really know how your mum lives you can't just leave it and everything you do will rock the boat, so brace yourself. You may not like to use the term but I'm pretty sure your mum is classed as a vulnerable adult due to her age. Take pictures of the state of the house, write down all your concerns to order your thoughts so you can better communicate them, otherwise I'm afraid that you come across as a stroppy child jealous of your step-dad (even though you're 55 etc). It's really important to be precise and to get across that there's a controlling pattern. Contact adult social services with your concerns and ask for advice.

    I'm really confused why you're spending £300/month travelling to your friend's. It's not a poll tax! Are you saying that staying with your mum will upset her benefits if you join her household? Why do the council need to be aware for any other reason?

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Bite the bullet until you can move out. The reason for this is because your Mum would likely end up in a care home if she didn't have this much younger partner to care for her. Don't disrupt what he's doing for you because minus him YOU would have to take care of your elderly mother.

  • 3 months ago

    maybe you should move out

  • 3 months ago

    Move out on your own. I think you moving into your mother's and step father's house at your age is incredibly inappropriate. One can see that your step father resents your presence.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You seem to have made a bad decision. Why don't you put the cat in a cattery temporarily and rent your own place? A houseshare would be better than where you are. There are landlords that accept pets. Try Spareroom.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.