Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 months ago

Worried about son?

I understand that at 17 he's nearly an adult and he gets to make his own decisions but, I'm just not a fan of this girl he's been dating. They met at some party in June and have been inseparable ever since. There's just been this change in his attitude, whereas he used to be easy-going, now everything is a fight. Getting him to pick up his room is a fight, asking him to do dishes some nights is a fight.

My 2 huge concerns are 1) It seems like whenever he's out with her, he comes home late with the excuse, " she wasn't ready" and 2) She's able to boss him around. She doesn't even try to hide it, she'll just order him to go get her a drink or a blanket or something.

Do I just need to hope that he breaks this off soon? All I ever get out of him is how pretty she is.

4 Answers

  • 10 months ago

    First off, if you want to help him then STOP FIGHTING with him.

    Obviously, you don't talk well to your son and he doesn't have a good relationship with you.

    Do you ever just start a conversation with him without mentioning the girlfriend? The conversation can be about anything as long as it is upbeat and an exchange of information between you.

    This relationship means a lot to him but you are never going to find out if it is healthy and equal if you keep showing your distaste for this girl. How do you know if she is right for your son if you do not sit down and talk with her about how she feels and what her values are in a non-judgmental way?

    When my kid was dating, I made ALL of her dates at home and comfortable in our house and that's how I got to REALLY know them.....and the type of parents they had.

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  • 10 months ago

    Leave it alone. While i'm not sure if this is a true situation at all, why would you interfere with your kids' relationship choices? If she were an axe murderer or a heroin dealer, i guess that would be different.

    he will get tired of her sooner or later, but if you suggest she's not for him, he will likely stay with her just because you aren't thrilled with her.

    And if he's not doing his household chores, GROUND HIM. Aren't you the parent? Just askin

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  • 10 months ago

    Obviously he is besotted! Nothing else matters to him at the moment. However, if certain chores are part of the rules and are tied in with any privileges such as financial ones don't fight him - just lay it down and enforce the consequences.

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.

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  • 10 months ago

    He's whipped. And, his first. Grin and bear it, and hope they break up soon.

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