Feel like I'm taking the wrong approach to her weight?
I don't like confrontation, I don't like bringing up things that I know are going to be difficult conversations. My girlfriend of 6 years has been putting on some serious weight, she's easily over 200 at this point. I say nothing. My mindset is, " her body, her choice". I just don't want to come across like I'm disparaging her, but I am worried because A) she's not really concerned B) Its causing problems for her.
I figure the lightest I can tread is, " I'm worried about you. Is there anything wrong? Do you want my help? I'd diet with you."
I don't want her issues to continue & wake up at some point 250+ pounds.
What should I do?
- BrianLv 56 months agoFavorite Answer
You are either a very thoughtful considerate person who doesnt want to cause hurt or you know she will get angry and defensive and you dont want to deal with that, 6 years should be enough of a time together to be honest with each other, what about if another 6 years pass and shes heavier still, starting to suffer health and mobility problems, it will unfairly effect you then, you don't mention her height, but its likely she should weigh somewhere from 120 to 170 lbs depending on her height and frame, 200 lbs is going to be an unhealthy weight for 90% of women.If a partner drank to much alcohol to often, wouldnt you feel it was right to bring it up?Obesity is just as serious.
- JanetLv 76 months ago
Oh, this is very difficult. You have the proper mindset. You genuinely care. And there is not A THING you can do that will make it better.
You have mirrors in your house. She sees her body. She feels guilt and the more guilt she feels, the more she eats to calm the guilt. So there is nothing you can SAY. And yes, if you do talk about her weight ,it will trigger her insecurity (we woman are all insecure about our bodies until we get so old that we finally understand that once we were pretty). Trigger her insecurity AND her fear that ALL you care about is not her, but how she looks. And that will drive a very subtle wedge between you and her ... both emotionally and sexually too, since female sexuality is highly-dependent on our emotional state.
What you CAN do is act as if she still turns you on. AND start doing active things that you invite her to join you on ... even something as simple as a half-hour walk after supper ... hand-in-hand, building companionship together (as well as the secret agenda of increasing her activity level). More active sports too if you can get her involved. Take up camping and the two of you can go hiking around the nature areas. Going on bicycle picnics. Whatever.
Lastly, women who are unhappy overeat. And gain weight. I don't know why she is unhappy. It may have nothing to do with you. It may have to do with unrealistic ideas about relationships (the "happy-ever-after" always fades out and leave people dissatisfied and disillusioned ). Or it may have to do with buried issues from her childhood. Or YOU may be contributing to disappointment or buried anger in some way. I do not know, I cannot know.
So try as best you can to be more romantic, nurturing and approving of her - flaws and all NO relationship lasts for long unless we CAN accept our partner flaws and all. Even if you have nothing to do with her discontent, your affection, company, and love can help ease it. As long as you don't overdo it so that it seems insincere.
And work on the communication. Things can simmer and rot underneath the surface if there is not good communication. It may be that this is triggering her discontent. And if the communication is not very good between you two, then perhaps couples therapy could help (that is what it is for .. not for pointing fingers, but for learning the couple how to communicate better).
The problem is that you cannot do this for her. And you cannot motivate her either, without risking serious repercussions for you and for your relationship with her. The best you can do is subtly get her to exercise with you, give her more acceptance and affection. And hope that SHE can figure out how to work with whatever is bothering her.
- As Mad As BirdsLv 76 months ago
The best theory I've heard is that people have a limited amount of willpower and motivation. If it's being used up on other things, the weight will be ignored (or at least not corrected).
My advice would be to reduce whatever other stressors might be affecting her. Free up "space" for concern about her body, if that makes sense.
- CammieLv 76 months ago
She knows she has gained weight.No need to tell her.Just love her.