John asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 6 months ago

A friend invites me to go out Saturday around lunch time.?

Then she sends me a text and tells me "Sorry ,another friend invited her to a cookout and she was going with her instead" Isn't that rude? I don't want to make plans with her anymore. She has done this more than once. What can I say to turn her down next time she invites me somewhere without being rude. I work with her and want to keep things pleasant between us.

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  • Angie
    Lv 4
    6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes, your friend was rude. When she was invited to the cookout, she should have told those people, "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend." Unless there was an emergency or other urgent matter, she should have honored her prior obligation she made with you. If you do not wish to spend time with her anymore, just simply tell her the same thing she should have said: "Thank you for the invitation, but I will not be able to attend. I apologize." Never lie and never over explain your reasoning, in fact, you are not obligated to provide a reason for turning down an invitation, so do not even try to offer one. Do not do or say anything that would lead her to believe that you would be willing to meet with her on a later date such as, "Maybe next time," "Let me check my calendar, and I will get back with you," etc. Simply thank her for the invitation, let her know you will not be able to attend, make your apologies, and leave it at that. If she asks you later on down the road, repeat. Most people will eventually get the message. You are not obligated to have personal relationships or meetings with your coworkers, so do not feel like you owe her anything outside of a professional, cordial working relationship. In fact, I always think it wise to never form personal friendships or relationships with coworkers in order to avoid these sticky, awkward situations.

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  • 6 months ago

    Your friend is totally rude! If you don't want this to happen again, you can

    1. just turn down her next invitation or

    2. Straight up tell her that hr past behaviour is rudew/boring/tedious and you're not interested in this typew of friendship.

    The best indication of future behaviour is past behavior

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  • denise
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Well, I'd say yes to the invite, but I'd also say, 'Are you sure, this time', You have no other plans?'.

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  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You don't owe her anything other than "thanks can't make it'. She clearly doesn't hesitate to put you off if something else comes along, especially if it has happened more than once.

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  • PAMELA
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Oh just say you have made other arrangements, no need to go into detail.

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  • 6 months ago

    As "Mamawidsom" suggests, just tell her "No, thanks." You could say, "I have other plans for my lunchtimes," if you want to be crystal clear about it.

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Tell her that you heard she has head lice and you don't want to catch it from her so the answer is no.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    i think that was rude, she couldve asked you to join them

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  • 6 months ago

    Well it seems she doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do and that is ok. There’s always going to be people like that. I would say maybe keep all interactions in the workplace and texts here and there out. don’t make it seem like you are bummed (even though who wouldn’t after getting hyped to hang with a homie) but maybe there is a reason for her constant bailing, the universe could be trying to show you someone you can connect with way more! Be open minded and notice the other people around you, your other friend will come back when they notice that it doesn’t bother you for their constant bailing.

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  • 6 months ago

    Deep breath. Yes, you "friend" was extremely rude. You don't need to play games here or be passive-aggressive. You have a few choices:

    1. Simply let her know that you were hurt by her decision to dump you for what she apparently thought was a "better offer," and you are not longer interested in maintaining a friendship with here as a result. After all, you are hurt and she isn't the type of person you want to waste time on.

    2. When asked, tell her no thanks and leave it at that.

    3. When asked, tell her that you aren't willing to make plans with her alone because you don't trust her not to back out. Then either don't make plans or agree on inviting other people so if she does bail out, you still have someone to hang out with.

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    • marys.momma
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      Her behavior was unmannerly, but yours doesn't have to be. Just decline any future invitations, without giving too specific a reason.

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