Was I abused?

I am confused about the relationship that has been occurring between me and my step dad since I was 14 in 2011 and hasn’t stopped. The night we first had sex was the day of a family party. My mum had gotten very drunk and had to be helped to bed. That night he came into my room and we cuddled. We are a very cuddly... show more I am confused about the relationship that has been occurring between me and my step dad since I was 14 in 2011 and hasn’t stopped. The night we first had sex was the day of a family party. My mum had gotten very drunk and had to be helped to bed. That night he came into my room and we cuddled. We are a very cuddly family. The cuddling then became sex. He didn’t force me and stopped half way through saying it was wrong. Later that night I ended up performing oral on him. We continued to have sex behind my mum’s back when she worked her night shifts and sometimes, I would be the one initiating the sex. I remember he would tell me this wrong and I should be interested in boys my own age, but we’d always ended having sex again. I am confused about if it was abuse or not with me initiating sex as well. He always made sure during the sex that I was okay and asked if I wanted to stop. I really love him but sometimes it has felt wrong. We have continued to have sex and I am now 22 years old and live in my own place. My mum and step dad have recently broken up because of domestic violence and I have seen him since and we have slept together a few times. I struggle knowing if what we have done is wrong because we have cheated and lied or is it wrong because it was abuse. I feel disgusted with myself sometimes like I have betrayed my mum. I struggle knowing if what happened was abuse because I initiated some of the sex myself.
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