My grandmother treats me really bad. Is it my fault?
My grandmother doesn't exactly treat me.. the best. I'm not old enough to move out so I just deal with it. She tends to call me "Freak" or "Lazy-***". She doesn't seem to understand the fact that I have some mental disorders that get in my way of thinking and such.
To pile on top of it - I'm transgender. FtM. At times she seems to be supporting and allows me to get the stuff I need in order to transition. Other times she doesn't. Calling me by She purposefully, saying, "When you do what I want you to, I'll call you a he." And I have tried do exactly what she tells me but she never holds up to what she says.
I feel like I'm being a petty dick because of how she treats me but I can't help it!
I have no where else to go. My dad is dead and my mother abandoned me. One of my brothers doesn't have enough money to take care of me, and all my friends are states away from me. She also blames me for my mother leaving. Everything is my fault in her eyes I guess.
But at the same time, she allows me to have birds and a cat, She took me to go see my friend a few states away, and some other things that I can't remember. She has locked me out, sprayed cleaner into my eyes, sexually harassed me, and doesn't even seem to care when I'm in a fit of tears or on the verge of a mental breakdown, but I feel like I have no place in being petty because of what she's done for me.
Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? Is this all my fault? I'm so torn.
- FoofaLv 79 months ago
Gran sounds like a handful who doesn't really understand trans issues...which basically makes her everyone else's grandma too. People of her generation aren't that enlightened (as you can plainly see). But you seem to be making the mistake a lot of LGBTQ+ youth do and that's placing your identity above other things in your life. You shouldn't care what pronouns she uses because she's not there to support your orientation. She's just there to provide you a place to live while you complete the education you'll need to move on to college so you can someday be self supporting and pay for the things you'll need (and trust me, gender affirming treatment isn't cheap). So less fighting with Grandma and more studying. Your education is the thing that'll get you out of this situation. I'd say the same if you were a cis kid experiencing conflict at home. At a point you just have to leverage what you've got now so you can do better in the future.
- audreyLv 710 months ago
If you're old enough, move out. That's too much aggravation for me.
- LoganLv 510 months ago
Dealing with this depends on how petty you want to be. I suggest, if you want to be really petty, you start calling her grandpa, pops, pa, poppy, and say that you'll only call her grandma or nan or whatever you call her to her face when she does what you want her to. Turn about is fair play and all that.
If you don't want to get that petty about it, you sit her down and talk it out with her. Make sure she understands to the best of her ability what mental illness is, what it does to you and how it affects your life. Talk out the whole abandonment thing with her and how it was your mothers choice to leave and hers alone. If anything you should have been a or the reason to stay. Just have an in-depth conversation about everything that's causing problems.
Keep calm, don't let it devolve into an emotional mess of yelling and arguments. And don't be discouraged by a rejection or two of talking through everything. It's the most peaceful way to resolve issues.